In the last few years since I’ve jumped back into the dating game I’ve come to learn a few new things about my personal love journey. Some are new for me, and some I’ve had to bump my head against a few walls to learn along the way. With each lesson I’ve learned and I’ve grown, and most importantly I’ve loved. As I continue on my journey, I can’t wait to see what new lessons I pick up, and who I bring along for the ride.
Love Does Hurt
Fairytales, Disney movies, and granny have sold us the dream that love doesn’t hurt. They preached quotes along the lines of “When it’s right, love doesn’t hurt,” and we inhaled them like the very air we breathe. We went through relationships and chalked up every pain we endured to that love simply not being ‘right.’ Wrong. Love does indeed hurt. Now I’m not talking about abusive, manipulative, serial cheater kind of hurt; that love can kick rocks. However, if you’re doing love right you will feel the occasional sting of hurt. Growing through life together hurts because, well, growing pains hurt. Unless you and your partner are emotionless robots, you’re bound to disappoint each other or do/say something that hurts the other’s feelings. Doesn’t mean the love isn’t right, it means you’re human. It means you’re loving and learning each other, and sometimes that process includes a bit of pain that serves as a tool to teach you how to love your partner better.
Love is a Choice
I used to think love just happened. You meet, date, learn each other’s favorite colors, likes and dislikes, and then one day this magical epiphany occurs where you realize ‘Hey, I love this person.’ What I’ve come to learn for myself is that love doesn’t just happen, it’s a conscious choice. Each and every day from the moment you meet you have to make an effort filled decision to choose this other person. You choose to incorporate them into your world, get to know them, sacrifice for them, respect and be faithful to them, and you definitely choose to love them. The choosing doesn’t stop at love either. You have to choose them when life is amazing, and then again on the days when you can barely stand to look at each other. You have to choose them despite the endless options and opportunities to choose others. Sometimes, you even have to choose to walk away because you’re more important than the need to be in a relationship. The choices may often seem small or mundane, but knowing that each and every time that you choose, you choose love, makes it all worth it.