Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I am getting frustrated with my fiancé. We dated for 5 years and have been engaged for 3 years, but he will not commit to me. He is constantly complaining about my lack of commitment to him. He complains that I do not spend enough quality time with him.
I cook, clean, and meet his physical needs when I have time and he is still not satisfied. He wants me to be more affectionate and spend quality time with him. I am a professional woman and work a lot of hours. Also, I am very active in my church and community.
He knew these things when he met me. I need help because I want to get married sometime in the near future. How Can I Get My Fiancé of 3 Years to Marry Me?
Ms. Engaged
Dear Ms. Engaged,
Have you ever asked yourself why do men go out of their way to be noticed by women? The answer is simple: men require and need attention.
The need for belonging, love, and affection are human needs, not just female needs. We might act tough and distant at times, but be mindful that behind every behavior there is an emotion. Also, be mindful that men are more likely to marry women who make time for them, strive to understand them, and express that they have their best interest at hand.
Cooking, cleaning, and making love are great qualities, but unfortunately you will never get a lifetime commitment if you do not offer him quality time.
Quality time involves being attentive to your fiancé’s emotional, spiritual, and psychological health so that he can lead you in a healthy manner in marriage. Proverbs 31:12 states, “For she employs all her living for her husband’s good.” Undeniably, men are not complete in and of ourselves. This is why God created you.
Offering quality time is one of the most precious gifts that you can offer your fiancé. Over the course of my career as a marital therapist, I have heard thousands of married men complain and become extremely frustrated because their wives do not spend time with them or listen to them.
Related: How can I determine if I am getting quality time?
As I processed what they were saying, I learned that most men want to be heard and want attention. It is without question that we all feel better when we are heard and attended to.
Therefore, I believe quality time has to do with a woman’s willingness and ability to devote time to listen to her partner and to address his need for affection and attention.
If you fail to make time to nurture your fiancé’s emotional, sexual, and spiritual needs, some other woman will. You can give your body and labor, but remember that emotional intimacy develops as a result of quality interactions.
Being a stable and self-sufficient woman is great, but if you do not spend quality time with your fiancé, he will continue to delay marrying you.
In order to get lifetime commitment you have to nurture your man. If you would like to learn more about how to get lifetime commitment from your fiancé, please secure a copy of my latest book, You Deserve More: A Single Woman’s Guide to Marriage and also click here to register for my free webinar: You Deserve More: A Single Woman’s Guide to Marriage.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.