There’s a growing trend among many single women who have grown weary while waiting to meet their perfect match. The trend sees many single women writing open letters to their future husband.
Some women have created entire blogs around their letters, and others have presented hand-written notes as a wedding present to their new spouse. Some have even taken to social media. Here are a few examples:
#DearFutureHusband wherever you are tonight is where I want to be. Dreaming of shared moments & laughter & endless kisses always. I love you
— Welcome to the Table ( godlyrelationships ex)Addy (@Gdrelationships) July 18, 2016
#DearFutureHusband The most important thing that we could ever teach our children to do is how to pray & pursue God with all that they have.
— ????? (@BasedZillenial) July 16, 2016
Though some are just meant to be humorous, others are quite sincere in their messages to their “future husbands.” It’s an incredibly romantic gesture that allows a woman to express her hopes, dreams and, yes, even the fears that she has when she thinks about the man she’ll love for the rest of her life.
But as a matchmaker and dating coach, who is also happily married, I have to wonder: Are these “Dear Future Husband Letters” a faith-building exercise or just a fantasy that distracts singles from what it really takes to meet their match?
I didn’t write any letters to my husband while I was single, although I did keep a journal. And I often wondered during the hard times of my dating journey if there was a man out there who was praying for me.
One memory stands out from the rest. I was parked outside of my apartment, keys still in the ignition, reluctant to go inside and face the loneliness that was waiting for me there. I felt trapped in my relationship to a guy who was repeatedly cheating on me. I didn’t have the courage to walk away, although I knew I deserved better. As I gazed out at the stars through tear-filled eyes, I felt hope wash over me.
I imagined that somewhere, at that very moment, was a man who was looking at the same stars. He would one day be my husband—my future husband!
The truth is, however, that my husband wasn’t thinking about me. When we finally did meet two years later, the man, who would one day give me his last name, told me he wasn’t even looking for a relationship. He said he was focusing on his career and training for ministry. And if you let him tell you the story, when he met me, he was trying to juggle the other women in his life who were hoping he’d marry them!
He wasn’t sitting around writing Dear Future Wife letters, nor was he praying diligently for me to cross his path. He wasn’t even actively looking for a wife. I awakened a desire for marriage within him after he met me. And 11 months later, we jumped the broom!
Writing a letter to your future husband can help to build your faith by helping you to focus on your dream of a deeply fulfilling relationship. However, unless you’re backing your faith up with actions that help you meet and date men who could be potential partners for you, I’m afraid I have to tell you that your letters are just a way to chase a fantasy and not deal with reality.
Case in point: One beautiful sister told me that she cried because she felt guilty about dating because somewhere out there, a man was praying and waiting to meet her. She then forwarded me the Dear Future Wife letter she’d found by some guy on the Internet as proof why she should she wait. She felt that dating was like cheating on her future husband, even though she hadn’t met him yet!
Living in fantasy land is a surefire way to miss meeting your mate! Instead of putting all of your time and energy on the future, be present and focus on the journey. Go on dates with real people instead of spending your weekends writing a letter to someone you’ve imagined in your head.
BMWK, have you been writing to your #futurehusband? What have you been telling him? What steps have you taken to meet your husband?