Have you seen the movie, Girls’ Trip? Theaters around the country were smelling like cocoa butter and coconut oil because the “Sistas” showed up and showed out, making this film a box office success! Maybe we were so excited to finally have a celebration of #BlackGirlMagic and our friendships on the big screen (We haven’t seen four fabulous friends being featured since the hit TV shows, Living Single and Girlfriends were on air).
The movie was mostly about the power of enduring friendships, but I also noticed another important theme emerge: Don’t try to do romantic relationships on your own. In fact, if you want to succeed at Black Love, it’s gonna take a squad to hold you down, keep you accountable, and tell you the truth about yourself or your relationship when you need it the most.
You can trust her advice because you know she’s telling the truth.
Unfortunately, many women believe they need to be strong and figure everything out on their own. They don’t want anyone to know their business so they keep their pain inside. They’re afraid of being vulnerable to the wrong people, so they try to handle breakups and breakdowns by themselves, all while putting on a brave face.
But what if you didn’t have to be strong? What if you could be supported? Would you have the courage to walk away from the wrong man faster than usual so you don’t waste valuable time? Maybe you wouldn’t spend so many years taking a break from dating, because you’d have friends who’d encourage you to get back out there.
As a dating coach, I’ve witnessed the difference between a woman who has a community of support while she’s dating, and one who feels isolated and alone. The woman who has a strong squad:
- Bounces back from rejection faster
- Chooses higher quality partners
- Has a more optimistic outlook about her chances for meeting the right man
The woman who tries to do it on her own, not so much. Either she doesn’t trust her friends or she’s the last single friend in the group. I often coach my squad-less clients to build a new network of friends and I encourage them to include these three types of allies:
The “Tell-It-Like-It-Is” Friend
You need a sister-friend who isn’t afraid to tell you the truth in love. She’s the kind of friend who will tell you if you have lipstick on your teeth, your dress makes your butt look big, and that you deserve better than what the current man you’re dating is giving you. You can trust her advice because you know she’s telling the truth.
The “Cool-Calm-And-Confident” Friend
When there’s drama in your relationship, you need someone to turn to who will calm you down and show you another perspective. This friend is a constant presence in your life, even if you don’t talk to her every day. She’ll keep you from making a permanent decision based on a temporary problem. Her support is priceless!
The “I-Love-You-Like-A-Crazy-Sister” Friend
This is the kind of friend who is willing to catch a case defending you. Now I’m not advocating violence at all, but I am suggesting you need someone who loves you fiercely and unconditionally. Make sure you introduce your new Boo to this kind of friend. She tends to be really good at judging a person’s character, and she’ll point out any red flags she sees. She’ll also hold you accountable if you decide to go back to that last dude who mistreated you. You need this kind of voice in your life if you want to hit your relationship goals!
BMWK, my question to you is: Who’s in your squad? Tag them in a comment below and thank them for loving you, holding you down, and helping you in your journey to love and marriage.