Ladies, dating can be tough. And you’re entitled to make your mistakes in the tricky world of dating. But if you’re making these common four mistakes, it’s best you correct them now.
1. Dating Out of Desperation
Desperation is never pretty. It hinders good judgment. What causes acts of desperation in dating? A prior failed relationship is among the top reasons. Also among the top reasons is usually being unattached for a long time as it can cause someone to question their value.
Predators can see desperation from a mile away like animals in the wild choosing the most vulnerable prey in the pack. A prior failed relationship leaves its visible scars. That’s normal; we all bleed when cut. It takes time to heal, and all wounds need to be properly dressed. Have your wounds been properly dressed or have they just been covered up or worse, ignored?
Dating is not the answer if those wounds have not been addressed. The wrong attention will only deepen wounds. Take all the time necessary to care for yourself before reentering the dating pool. That time is needed. Decisions made from haste have repercussions, which can last anywhere from a long time to a lifetime.
2. Doing Too Much
Are you doing too much too soon? You just met two months, three weeks, four hours and 5.6 seconds ago, but you’re already washing his laundry and you’re not even sure if he considers you his woman or not. These scenarios happen far too frequently. Relationships should develop in stages as couples spend intentional time together focused on getting to know each other. There should be distinctions between the stages of dating in a premarital relationship (i.e.a lady should only be a wife to her husband and no time before).
Here are some additional considerations. If you have children, when should he meet your children? When should you meet each other’s parents and close friends? When should you invite him to your home? When should you visit his home? These are all relevant questions that should be considered before you meet someone of interest. Often, this doesn’t happen. Couples just go with the “flow” and to where the “yellow brick road” will take them. No surprise, that road usually leads to the bedroom, and that’s the place where everyone’s vision becomes cloudy. A lot of fun times can happen there, but the bed is not a sturdy enough foundation to support a relationship, so slow your pace down.
3. Self-Sabotaging
Does fear cause you to sabotage your own relationships? Finally, a man comes along and treats you the way a woman should be treated. He’s not a knight in shining armor. He’s a real man, a good man with imperfections, but he’s mature and knows how to handle himself as a man should. But it scares you!
You have never been treated quite like this. You love it, but you have this fear that something is bound to go wrong because it always has. Without intention, you begin to pick your relationship apart to save yourself from any unexpected surprises that might deliver the same pain you fear is inevitable with any man.
Stop! Get off of this rollercoaster ride. You will confuse a man who has only shown you good. Don’t ruin your present with misplaced fears from your past without reason. No one who has experienced the pain of a failed relationship wants to feel it again. Take a breath and do what may feel unnatural for you. Discard your feelings especially those feelings tied to past hurts. Those feelings are tied to men from your past and not men in general. No man is subject to the sins of the men who came before him.
4. Joining in Competition
There’s a tendency to follow the pack because you feel as though you have to compete in the dating marketplace. When other women dress in a revealing manner, do you feel like you have to follow suit in order to get the same attention from men?
Women may feel this push to compete for attention, and that’s understandable. But before entering these competitions, these women should consider who they wish to appeal too. The question to ask yourself is, are you interested in the type of man who is primarily concerned with how you look? That’s not to suggest that looks are unimportant. They are. However, a woman can capture attention without having to lower her standards by only appealing to a man’s base nature. A woman of class still draws attention especially in a room filled with mostly “flesh on parade.” She will stand out in the crowd like a rose in a field of dandelions.
Relationships require a lot of time and effort. The more prepared we are, the better. It doesn’t have to be hard when we know what things to avoid and what things to incorporate. The best time to prepare for war is before and not during. The same is true of relationships. These four items are not exhaustive, but they represent some common mistakes that you can now avoid or navigate through. Take heart.
BMWK, are you guilty of any of these mistakes?