Recently, I asked one of my social media followers if she had any suggestions for topics for my podcast show, “Writeous Talk on Love and Relationships.” Shortly thereafter, I received an inbox with her topic idea, “When is it time to go?” She asked, “Sometimes people end relationships too quickly. Other times, they remain in them too long. When should you leave a relationship?”
It was a great topic, considering this is a relevant position that many people struggle with. In either case, there are hefty consequences for each untimely decision.
I believe there are sure signs your relationship may be in trouble, and the fat lady may be clearing her throat in preparation for the grand finale. Knowing whether to part ways or stay and push through largely depends on the willingness of both parties involved to put in the necessary work. It’s not always an easy decision to make, but one that must be made all the same.
If you’re doubtful about the future of your relationship, here are a few situations when you should consider walking away.
You’re Dating a Master of Emotional Manipulation
An emotional manipulator is one who plays on your emotions to take advantage of you. He is the slick guy who makes you feel bad for the wrong he’s doing to you. Here’s an example: He cheats on you, and defends it by saying he wasn’t getting enough attention from you. His line of reasoning is to absolve him of any responsibility for your pain. He claims his indiscretions were caused by your lack of attention. A similar excuse would be to say you haven’t kept yourself up like you used to. He strayed because a more appealing woman drew his attention.
Or he could be the guy who is constantly, trying to make you feel sorry for him, so he can get something out of you. This serial-taker regularly guilt-trips you into paying his bills. And you feel the need to “support him” or “love him” by supplying his other financial, sexual and nutritional needs.
Emotional manipulators play on low self-esteem/insecurity. They know an insecure woman will work hard to prove to a man that she has value, which she demonstrates by providing his needs, financial, sexual, emotional and essentially, letting him walk all over her.
Express your feelings to him about his selfish ways. But fully understand: If he’s always trying to take advantage of you, then he’s not looking out for your best interests—he doesn’t value you, he values what you give him. If he’s only looking out for himself in the relationship, then it’s time to say goodbye.
Emotional manipulators play on low self-esteem/insecurity. They know an insecure woman will work hard to prove to a man that she has value..
Is He Arguing or Fighting with You in Conversations?
Disagreements in a relationship are not a bad thing. They are normal when two people are passionate about something they believe in. Not to mention, you’re a more emotionally vulnerable to the one you love.
However, take note of how are you and your partner disagreeing? Is your partner able to listen to you to gain understanding? Or is he listening to respond/defend his position?
These challenges are not insurmountable when both parties are committed, but therein lies the problem. Is he really committed?
Knowing the difference between an argument and a fight is a very necessary distinction. An argument is a statement that supports a position. In relationships, an argument is a difference in thoughts/beliefs/ideas. A fight on the other hand is when “ad hominem” attacks enter in and good communication breaks down. “Ad hominem” means “against the man” or “argument to the man.” It’s a type of logical fallacy, where you begin to attack the person’s character or in some other personal manner to discredit them. This is when name-calling begins or demeaning comments are made. Nothing good comes from this exchange.
Explain the difference to your partner. If he still can’t negotiate these things, then it may be time to say goodbye. Let me rephrase for emphasis: when your partner is unwilling to work through these concerns, it’s time to say goodbye. These challenges are not insurmountable when both parties are committed, but therein lies the problem. Is he really committed?
In Part II, we will begin with “deal-breakers” and other reasons to call it quits. Stayed tuned for BMWK for more.
BMWK, how do you know when it’s time to throw in the towel?