Hi Dr. Buckingham,
I am a 33 year old single mom of 3. I’ve never been married. I have been abstinent for 6 months now and growing spiritually. It seems like I cannot find anyone to connect with. It’s so bad to where I do not even have friends. I’m intelligent, hardworking, attractive, love sports, love family and God. Seems like I am the total package huh? Wrong! I’ve been attracting unsatisfying types of men lately. It’s like nobody likes me for me? They just want certain things from me. Am I Not Worthy Enough? Is there something I need to change? Help me.
Packaged Right, but Wrong Results
Dear Packaged Right, but Wrong Results,
Although, I do not know much about you other than how you described yourself, you are worthy of enough. God created us out of love so that we can give and receive love. I empathize with you and your frustration with finding love, especially as a single mother of 3. Why do I mention this? You stated, “They just want certain things from me.” If I can be straightforward with you there are a percentage of men who will view you as a sex object and as being easy because of your parental status. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for some men to view single parent mothers as not being marriage worthy. This is sad and causes some women to engage in demoralizing behavior such as having sex with multiple guys in order to find and experience love.
You are worthy of enough. God created us out of love so that we can give and receive love.
Without knowing how you carry yourself, treat yourself and interact with men, I cannot comment on what you need to change or do differently. However, what I can tell you is to never waiver on what you expect. Especially, if your expectations are realistic.
As a single mother, remind men that you are worthy enough because you take care of your responsibility despite the hand that you were dealt.
Remind them that you give love to kids who do not get to choose who loves them.
Remind them that your past does not determine your future.
Remind them that your ability to love unconditionally is proven through your devotion to your children.
Remind them that your body is a temple and so is your mind.
Remind them that you might feel lonely at times, but not desperate.
Remind them that being a single mother is not easy, but it is reflection of the winner in you.
Lastly, remind them that you are worthy of enough because you are a child of God and deserve what your heart desires.
If the men you interact with cannot see the value in you then they are not worthy of being with you. Continue to love God and you will get what you deserve. Remember that love is not a matter of time, but a matter of work. How much work you put into yourself and relationships determine the amount of love you will receive.
I realize that waiting can be frustrating, but jumping before you are ready can be devastating. Continue to grow spiritually and God will send you a King.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.