I am so proud of you. I don’t care about your past or even your last night, I simply care about your tomorrow. Abstaining from sex until marriage is one of the best ways to guard your heart and mind from attaching to someone before its appropriate time.
A man can put a condom on to protect you from an STD or pregnancy, but there is nothing to protect your heart, which is just as important.
If your desire is to practice abstinence before marriage in your dating relationship then there are 3 people you must have to assist you in this amazing goal. Don’t believe the hype that you can do this alone.
1. An Agreeing Partner
Yes, your partner is the foremost, important person who must be on board with abstaining from sex until marriage. People always ask me when is it a good time to let a potential person know that you are waiting until marriage to have sex. I tell them as soon as things are beginning to turn serious or once there has been a communicated intention of progressing toward a committed relationship.
If that person doesn’t’ also share the same desire, then you may want to reconsider moving on. Abstaining from sex is a core value that must be agreed on by both parties. If only one person agrees and the other person doesn’t, then you will not be able to have a healthy dating relationship because the other person will be just waiting until you give in on that one special night.
2. An Inspiring Mentor
A mentor is someone that is NOT your friend. A friend is peer level, but a mentor is someone you look up to. This could be an older married couple or someone from your church who will want to see you make it to the altar without giving into the desire to have sex. A mentor is someone who agrees with you and your partner’s goal and will be consistent to check in with you throughout your dating process. To acquire someone like this is just a simple ask.
3. An Strong Friend
This is the second most important person who will give you the encouragement you need to stay strong during your season of dating and to help you resist the temptation to have sex. A strong friend is one who is not going to waver and will continue to keep you accountable for every action you make. They will not be easy on you, and you must allow them access into every detail in order for this relationship to work to its full capacity. If you do fall short or come close to falling, then this person will encourage you but also discuss the situation to see how to prevent it from happening again.
My wife and I were able to abstain from sex our entire dating process, and it was one of the best decisions we made. We both had these support figures in our lives, who were able to walk with us to ensure we didn’t give into the temptation to awaken love before we said, “I Do.” You can do it, too. No matter where you find yourself right now. It’s okay to start over today and make that commitment to God and yourself. I promise it will be worth it.
BMWK, are you prepared for your journey to abstain until marriage?