If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you may find yourself in the middle of a question “how to be a good girlfriend?” I’ve been there. If you’re doing these four things in your relationship, you may be bestowing wife privileges to someone who doesn’t even treat you like a girlfriend. As a result, you’re becoming far from being a good girlfriend, and soon, it could sabotage your chances for marriage. So to know how to keep a man interested and how to be a better girlfriend, watch out for the relationship deal breakers below.
If You Want to Learn How to Be a Good Girlfriend, Avoid These Acts
In This Article:
- Why Giving Your Boyfriend the Wife Privileges Is Wrong
- Playing House
- Putting His Needs First
- Sleeping with Him
- Giving Him Money
Why Giving Your Boyfriend the Wife Privileges Is Wrong
I packed his lunch, got up early before my workday, started to drive to his apartment, picked him up, and dropped him off at the office. After these, I rearranged my schedule to make sure I could take him home, picked up his favorite snacks when we had a movie night, used my credit card to pay for his shopping sprees, and loaned him my car when he wanted to take an overnight trip to see his family.
The pain of discovering he was cheating on me was magnified when I realized our whole relationship consisted of me acting like his wife—when he hadn’t even treated me like his girlfriend yet.
Of course, I’ve moved on from that relationship and have found better for myself. I’m now happily married to the man of my dreams. Yet, now as a wife, a wiser woman, and a dating coach, I’ve worked with plenty of women who still hold my old mentality. These women believe they need to act like a wife so a man can see them as marriage material. I now know this truism couldn’t be further from the truth.
Playing House
You cook his favorite meals every night, fix his plate, and bring it to him while he’s watching the game. You clean his house, pick up his suits from the cleaners, run his errands and basically, take care of his every need before he even asks. He gives you a key to his apartment because you practically live there.
Maybe you’ve been listening to the (bad) advice that a woman’s worth is related to her ability to keep a home. That a man won’t marry her if she can’t cook or clean, or perhaps, you’re just a traditional sister who embraces traditional gender roles. No matter how you got here, playing Suzy Homemaker isn’t going to convince him to marry you. You want a man to choose you because of who you are, not because of what you do for him.
Putting His Needs First
You’re a vegetarian, but he likes surf and turf, so you always go to his favorite restaurant for date night. You need to study to pass your comprehensive exams, but he says he really wants you to come over and hang out. You want to go with your girls for a special outing, but he says he wants you to be available when he gets off work.
While healthy relationships require compromise from both individuals, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice what you need to be healthy and happy just to please him. This teaches you not just how to be a good girlfriend, but also to take care of yourself, too. Furthermore, if he is marriage material, he will want the best for you and will take greater care not to put you in predicaments where you’re forced to choose between his needs and yours.
Sleeping with Him
I remember running into a woman at the bookstore who was browsing the shelves, looking for dating advice. She told me she believed that unless she slept with her man, he wouldn’t want to commit to her, much less marry her.
Sadly, you hear this kind of advice everywhere you turn. Some people think you have to “test drive” your partner to make sure the sex will be good, otherwise, you could end up trapped in a bad marriage. Others act like sex has magical powers that can convince a man to get down on one knee and pop the question.
Sex may make you lovable for a moment, but if you want to be married for a lifetime, you need a man to commit to you because he loves, honors, and cherishes you.
Giving Him Money
Sisters fall into this trap one sad story at a time. First, it’s a cell phone bill, then it’s a “family emergency.” The next thing you know, you’re paying for his vacations, supporting his kids, and buying him a car. If you’re trying to help him manage his finances, you’ve stepped over into a co-dependent relationship. You give him money in exchange for him giving you a false hope that your relationship will go to the next level.
Note: If you aren’t sharing responsibilities, you are not obligated to share your finances with him.
So, how to be a good girlfriend? Don’t be a wife to your boyfriend. If you need more reasons why you shouldn’t act as a wife to your boyfriend, here’s a video from Shonda Brown:
Girl, playing house is for kids. That’s the thing you need to keep in mind if you want to learn how to be a good girlfriend. Grown folks will set clear boundaries in their relationships, which carry over into their marriages. You shouldn’t have to take care of his house, his body, or his money to convince him to marry you. You are his girlfriend, not his wife. He must earn those wife privileges from you instead of easily handing it over to him.
BMWK, do you agree that by avoiding the acts above, you’ll eventually learn how to be a good girlfriend? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below!
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Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on March 23, 2016, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.