I recently read Michael Strahan’s book, Wake Up Happy. The book was full of life applicable examples from his experiences, to help you live a blissful life. Throughout the book Strahan was very transparent and acknowledged his challenges and weaknesses, especially in the area of relationships.
He recognized that he hadn’t successfully mastered relationships- twice divorced and several unsuccessful dating relationships. However, he still desires to find love. In an effort to help women, he shared what men desire in a woman and it goes beyond the physical: i.e. a confident woman, good communicator/listener, flexible, not high maintenance or pretentious, etc.
It’s obvious that men know what they want, but do you? Here are 5 ways to attract and keep the mate you desire:
Step 1 – Do You
Strahan stated that a confident woman is sexy. I’ve heard many men say the same. Often, women focus more on the external than the internal. But you must realize your hair, make-up and attire aren’t center stage. The confidence you exude takes precedent and accentuates everything else.
Before you pursue a relationship, work on YOU. Work on building your self-esteem and confidence. Confront any issues which might have you doubting or second guessing yourself. Focus on healing from those issues prior to seeking a new relationship. When you are healed you can attract what you desire.
Step 2 – Determine what you really want
Many men already know what they are looking for in a mate. Unlike some women, they don’t usually have a list of what their woman must possess. They have a few mate must haves in their mind. When they meet the woman that meets their criteria, they marry her.
Most married men will tell you that they knew their wife was the one after the 1st date and the 2nd date solidified the deal.
If you have a laundry list of what your mate must possess, burn it. Instead of a list, complete the following exercise I borrowed from Patti Stanger. Under each of the tabs write out the top 5 things your mate must possess in each of these areas. Be honest and realistic.
| Emotional | Financial | Intellectual | Physical | Spiritual |
You will end up with 25 items, out of these items, list your top 10 must haves in a mate. These may change over time but this is the foundation of what you are looking for in a mate.
Step 3 – Deal Breakers
Married women will tell you that marriage is about compromise. I’ve heard some advise single women to choose their 5 non-negotiables and stick to them. And I agree. Non-negotiables are must have traits which you are not willing to compromise.
For the sake of this exercise, attractiveness and faith have been met so choose 5 additional non-negotiables from your 10 must haves. As you complete this list, keep in mind that whatever doesn’t make the top 5 are negotiable, so choose carefully.
Step 4 – Stand by your conviction
If the guy you meet doesn’t meet your 5 non-negotiables, he is not a candidate. Keep it moving. Don’t try to work with someone if they possess 4 out of 5 of your non-negotiables because you will be miserable. Remember your non-negotiables are non-negotiable. Stay the course. The right one will come along. Don’t cheat or short-change yourself. You are worth the wait.
Step 5 – Meet Up
When you meet up, now what? As you start dating take time to really get to know the man before you. Don’t overwhelm him, but ask questions about his childhood, aspirations and goals. As the relationship becomes more serious, ask if he would like to have children, his parenting style, the roles each of you would assume in marriage, how he views finances, etc.
Many singles make the mistake of wanting marriage, but they forget to discuss each other’s perception of marriage. He might meet your non-negotiables, but have a totally different view point on parenting, the role of a wife, money etc.
By narrowing down your focus to your top 10 must haves and 5 non-negotiables, you are being realistic and allowing your potential mate to be human and have flaws. Now you can become laser focused and concentrate on who you really desire.
When it’s all said and done, and the fantasy of marital bliss has dissipated ask yourself: Who do you want beside you and what qualities must he possess? By knowing what you want and being steadfast in your convictions, you open yourself to attract the mate you desire.
BMWK, what are your non-negotiables?