One of the beauties of being single is that it gives you the opportunity to discover yourself and figure out your quirks without it directly affecting your significant other. The single season is a time to learn about yourself, and when God reveals to you your not so good sides, it means it’s time to make changes for the better. But what happens when you find yourself denying those feelings, behaviors and habits of yours? My friends, you delay yourself when you choose to live in denial.
As a single, I have been faced with many “opportunities to grow,” a phrase of endearment that I’m using to name the moments in my life in which I feel not-so comfortable looking in the mirror. For example, I for a while, without even realizing it, was dealing with loneliness. When the word would come up in conversation or things that I’d read, I would skip by it as if it didn’t apply to me. But oh how it did! The symptoms of loneliness began to show even more over time and it came with some side effects such as paranoia, jealousy, sadness, pride, etc. It took me to admit to God out loud what I was struggling with.
Everything is not always how it appears
The problem in many of our circles, church groups, and even on social media, is that we want to portray that everything in our lives are fine. That since we have a relationship with God and a prayer life, that it must be good all day, everyday. Sometimes it’s not fine though, and it’s healthy to express how you feel instead of sweeping it under the rug in your heart and carry the burdens on your own. I am not obligated to carry these feelings, for God says many times in His word that He will not leave us alone and that He is always with us. When I was in denial about being lonely, I was holding onto a lie, that I was letting ruin my life. I may have felt a lonely moment, but it was only going to get worse if I didn’t do something about it.
“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28
People—including singles, are in denial about all kinds of things. We are powerful and resilient, consecrated for the Lord’s purposes, but we are human too. We have feelings and we get in them, depending on the situation. You could be having a good day, until you find out that someone you know is getting married and it’s not to you. You could be in denial about being hurt, which then leads us to act out of defense and fear instead of real love which is willing to trust and give. Admit them to God, and let His light shine on the issue to scatter the darkness.
Denial will cause you to see yourself differently
You may even be in denial about being attracted to someone and not sure how to approach them/respond to them. Again, all these circumstances can be handled by bringing everything to God first. The longer that you choose to deny how you feel about something, the more it eats away at your peace. Denial of an issue that you have, will eventually show itself to others, to the point that it’s hard to avoid or look over.
With the start of a new year, it would be in your benefit to take some time for self evaluation and confess anything that you may be dealing with. God knows what you are feeling already, but when you hide the issue, you’re saying that you’re in “control” of what will become an out of control burden for your life. The sooner we shed the light on what’s bothering us for real, the better chances of being less miserable, stewing in the midst of unnecessary anxiety.
Take your issues to God first, then if you need to, talk with friend or family member who you can trust and can pray with. It’s recommended in James 5:16 to “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Here’s to a new year with being free from burdens we’ve used to hold on to, and embracing those new opportunities to grow.
BMWK fam, have you ever struggled with denial in your singleness? How did you get over it?