Over the past year, God has put me in some very uncomfortable, yet, maturing situations. One of the hardest was having to cross paths and share the same space on a weekly basis with people I believed were out of my life for good, especially one in particular. We weren’t enemies, just old friends who parted ways, not so amicably.
For the past 12 months, we had to adjust to being in each other’s space. At times it was familiar and at other times, very awkward. I will admit I didn’t adjust well to this new normal. I felt as if I was being punished or tested and I just wanted it to end.
Well, things finally came to a head and we sat down and talked to each other like adults. It truly was God ordained because we were both too busy allowing our egos and pride to guide our interaction. After our initial conversation, which led to many more, I realized that we both had changed.
We hadn’t seen each other in years, but it was obvious that we had matured and transformed for the better. I was so ready to deal with the person from my past that I was blind to the new person he had become. Our interaction enabled me to forgive and truly let go of the past. We were both able to admit the part we played in our demise, which gave me the freedom to see the new person before me. We let down our walls concerning each other, which allowed a new friendship to begin to develop.
All these years, I thought I was the victim. But in actuality, we were both causalities of war.
Tough Conversations
Our conversations helped me to realize how much I was carrying inside regarding our relationship. And, how much this relationship revealed my flaws. It also exposed how much he really cared for me and just how much I hurt him. All these years, I thought I was the victim. But in actuality, we were both causalities of war. Our dialogue made me realize how badly I missed it, not only with him but with others.
Having these discussions really allowed me to see myself, the old and the new person I had become. It helped me to learn from my mistakes. I will admit, it can be painful to see yourself through other’s eyes. But at the same time, it can be very cathartic and empowering because it allows you to see what changes need to be made and how to begin cultivating the relationships you desire.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve been working on becoming my best self, dealing with my issues and letting go of my perfectionism and high, sometimes, “unmeetable” standards. I realized that I didn’t allow people to truly be themselves. Either I negated who they were or subconsciously tried to make them into who I thought they should be. Interestingly enough, my need for perfection was mentioned in our conversation, which helped me to see how much I had allowed it to control my life and relationships.
Your challenges might not be the same as mine, but we all have them. And when it comes to the matters of the heart, most of them are fueled by our fear, pride, and ego. Give yourself permission to face your challenges and fears; allow the necessary inner healing to take place.
We all have to diligently work on ourselves and our relationships daily. When we come to that realization, we will begin to see ourselves and people from a different perspective. I must admit that I am at a place in my life where I want to grow and change. I am open to honest dialogue and constructive criticism which will help me achieve my goals. So by interacting with someone from my past, it was a safe place, but at the same time, an honest place for me learn.
Give yourself permission to face your challenges and fears; allow the necessary inner healing to take place.
Dealing with Issues From Your Past
During our conversations, we were able to identify our problems and why our relationship didn’t last. One major problem was that he had his defensive walls up and I was constantly responding to and ricocheting off of them. Our second major problem was that I had my ideal “perfect” life scenario and he didn’t know how to fit into my world. We were a mess.
Since then, we have both grown and moved on with our lives, but the clarity and closure we were able to gain from one another was priceless. From those conversations, I learned the lesson and tweaked areas that needed attention. I can honestly see the difference in myself and in my relationships.
Take time to do what you need to do in order to identify and work on your weaknesses, cultivate your strengths, and honestly deal with issues from your past. If speaking with someone from your past is an option…pursue it. It may be uncomfortable but worth it. You will quickly find that your self-inflated press and your perceived reality are two different things. This may be painfully shocking but it will enable you to begin your self-perspective journey leading to the change or inner healing you need. Not only will you become a better person, but you will be free to attract and nurture real authentic relationships.
BMWK, What is hindering you from the relationships you desire?