by Latoya Irving
Now the honeymoon is over. Some of you are discovering each other’s bad habits, wondering if you made a mistake. Don’t fret – some of those feelings are normal. Here are some tips to help you survive the first year of marriage:
1. Pray, pray, pray. If you have never needed prayer before, you are going to need it now! Pray for each other, but most importantly, pray for yourself. I don’t mean pray that your spouse changes into whom you want them to be; pray that you will be the wife/husband your spouse needs you to be. If you both pray this prayer, you’ll have the spouse you want because you will become the person they’ll need.
2. Communicate and ask questions. You will learn what ticks your spouse off, likes and dislikes by asking questions. I did this with my husband by asking him to tell me the things I do that he doesn’t like and vice versa. You have to be willing to listen and make some changes and compromise. Also, you have to be honest and express what is on your mind. No one can read minds. How is your spouse going to know that leaving the top off the toothpaste really gets to you if you don’t tell them? Also, be specific as to what you want and need. Ladies, if you need more affection from your husband, tell him. Trust me, he doesn’t have a clue that he may be lacking in that area.
3. Watch your attitudes. This is especially true for us ladies. Our attitude will affect the home. If we are unhappy, the home will be too. This is where communication comes in. Talk to your spouse and let them know what’s going on with you. It’s frustrating and a waste of time being angry at your spouse and they don’t even know it.
4. Have patience””change doesn’t happen overnight. Refer to step 1. Keep praying and wait for change. A lot of times, the change is going to start with you. It is not easy merging two lives.
5. Wisdom. You need that from God. He’s an excellent teacher. He will teach you how to be the wife/husband your spouse needs. You will learn what’s really important to argue about and what really isn’t important to argue about.
6. Don’t be selfish. You are not the only one in the marriage. I know they say the wedding is all about the bride, but the marriage is about the wife and husband. You both have to be willing to participate in each others activities and interests. Know that you are not going to have your way all the time and don’t dare try to manipulate your spouse or situations. That’s not fair to either of you.
7. Have a sense of humor. Marriage should be fun and you can have a happy one. Don’t take everything so seriously, laugh and enjoy each other, after all, this is just year one of many many more to come!
LaToya Irving is a wife, mother and former Air Force brat.