Growing up, my dad detested lies. That was the worst thing you could do in his house. He always told me and my brothers to tell him the truth no matter what. Of course we lied, on numerous occasions. Our misbehavior displeased my father; our lies hurt him. Now that I am a wife and a mother, I understand.
When we lie to our loved ones, we dishonor them. We take for granted their unconditional love and their willingness to help us through difficult situations. As parents, we desire for our children to come to us with the good, the bad, and the ugly. When they choose to lie instead, the punishment is worse: 1) because of the infraction, 2) because of the lie.
Husbands and wives deal with this, too. Many of the counseling sessions I’m involved in revolve around lies. The wife is hurt because her husband didn’t trust her enough to be completely honest about his feelings. So now she’s hurt even more and doesn’t believe him when he does open up to her. The husband is hurt because his wife lies about money, friends, and her whereabouts. He no longer feels respected in the marriage. Over the years, one lie has led to another lie, which has led to another lie to cover up the first lie, which has led to another lie to cover up the second lie. Now, no one knows the truth, other than they are living a lie. All of this could have been avoided if each person had determined to tell the truth, even when it hurt.
Actually, there is no point in lying anyway. It only serves as a false sense of protection and as a temporary delay to dealing with reality. The truth will come to light, if not in our lifetime, then in our kids’. Once we are gone, our children will be left with a legacy of lies on which to build their ideas of marriage and family.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
If there is one person in the world we should be able to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to, it should be our spouses. Our unconditional love for each other coupled with God’s love for our marriages will help us overcome difficult times, as long as we operate in the truth. God will not bless a lie, nor will He bless a marriage based in lies.
As a new year begins, recommit to speaking the truth in love and to trusting your spouse and God enough to work through any issues that might arise. I know it’s not easy, but your marriage is worth more than living a lie.
BMWK family, what type of impact have lies had in your relationships, with children or with a spouse? How are you living in truth today?