Growing up, my dad detested lies. That was the worst thing you could do in his house. He always told me and my brothers to tell him the truth no matter what. Of course we lied, on numerous occasions. Our misbehavior displeased my father; our lies hurt him. Now that I am a wife and a mother, I understand.
When we lie to our loved ones, we dishonor them. We take for granted their unconditional love and their willingness to help us through difficult situations. As parents, we desire for our children to come to us with the good, the bad, and the ugly. When they choose to lie instead, the punishment is worse: 1) because of the infraction, 2) because of the lie.
Husbands and wives deal with this, too. Many of the counseling sessions I’m involved in revolve around lies. The wife is hurt because her husband didn’t trust her enough to be completely honest about his feelings. So now she’s hurt even more and doesn’t believe him when he does open up to her. The husband is hurt because his wife lies about money, friends, and her whereabouts. He no longer feels respected in the marriage. Over the years, one lie has led to another lie, which has led to another lie to cover up the first lie, which has led to another lie to cover up the second lie. Now, no one knows the truth, other than they are living a lie. All of this could have been avoided if each person had determined to tell the truth, even when it hurt.
Actually, there is no point in lying anyway. It only serves as a false sense of protection and as a temporary delay to dealing with reality. The truth will come to light, if not in our lifetime, then in our kids’. Once we are gone, our children will be left with a legacy of lies on which to build their ideas of marriage and family.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
If there is one person in the world we should be able to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to, it should be our spouses. Our unconditional love for each other coupled with God’s love for our marriages will help us overcome difficult times, as long as we operate in the truth. God will not bless a lie, nor will He bless a marriage based in lies.
As a new year begins, recommit to speaking the truth in love and to trusting your spouse and God enough to work through any issues that might arise. I know it’s not easy, but your marriage is worth more than living a lie.
BMWK family, what type of impact have lies had in your relationships, with children or with a spouse? How are you living in truth today?
I HAVE GROWN TO REALIZE THAT THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH .BY TELLING THE TRUTH IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS NOT GOING TO HURT BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE TRUTH DOES HURT ,BUT AT LEAST THE PERSON RESPECTS YOU ENOUGH TO BELIEVE YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH.THEY AREN’T ASSUMING THAT THEY KNEW BEST OR INSULTING YOUR INTELLIGENCE
It is about respect, isn’t it? The truth and respect are sorely needed in our relationships. Thanks for sharing.
I agree that when you are a parent you do feel hurt by your children’s lies and I know that my husband and I have often told my daughter that if she had confessed the truth, she may not have gotten in trouble. Most children have to learn that by the time a parent asks you about something specific, 9 times out of 10, we already know the answer.
As far as with our mates, that’s a hard pill to swallow as both the teller of the truth knowing it will hurt our mate, and the receiver of the truth. Respect and how we tell the truth is very important. You must always take your partner’s feelings into account and respond in loving kindness when you have to tell them something hurtful.
…praying before you speak helps a lot!!
That’s so true about knowing the truth even before our children tell us. I forgot about that. Lol.
With our spouses, it’s definitely difficult. Better to deal with the hurt and disappointment early on instead of letting a lie go on for years and then finding out later, don’t you think? Prayer, prayer, and more prayer is the key. The truth will come out eventually.
Telling the truth in any situation will always lead to a better end result; trust and honesty within any relationship. These are the basic foundations for any relationship and without these, the relationship will eventually fail. It takes a long time to establish trust and one lie can destroy the trust instantly. I would rather have my feelings hurt by the truth than by a lie. We have to continue to build strong relationships with trust and honesty as the foundation.
This is hard for all couples but it has to be done! This will only enhance and make your marriage stronger. Communication is a main key to a successful marriage even if it hurts. Great read!
Yep, I agree. It is difficult, especially early on. But I think it gets easier once the trust grows. Don’t you? It’s so freeing to be able to speak the truth and know you can work it out together.
Good to hear from you again.
A good friend and I are JUST now texting about this. SUCH CONFIRMATION. I told the truth and it havoc ensued. Found out years later that the person to whom I told it would rather I had lied. With all the problems…I’m sure I did the right thing. And with you saying this…It definitely helped me. There are some liars in my circle and they seem to really get away with things. I was wondering if that wasn’t a more prudent way to go, but now I am just thankful for this post.