No beating around the bush or sugar coating this. Here is the hard truth about being a helpmate:
You don’t get to choose what you help with or if you help at all. You were created to help. Period.
I heard those words just as clear as day, not from a friend or counselor, but from God. My husband and I were dealing with an issue, and honestly I felt like saying “Look, that’s not my problem. It really has nothing to do with me.” That was my frustration speaking and not my faith.
That night, God pulled me aside and reminded me of what he required of me. Not only that, He reminded me of what He put inside me: fight.
My husband needed me to help him fight for the promises on his life and on our marriage. He needed me to help him fight back feelings of failure and frustration. In other words, he needed me to be his wife, his helpmate.
Do our husbands always ask us to help? No. Many times it’s not until things get crazy that we are forced to step in. But step in we must. Help, we must. Now this is where prayer and wisdom come into play like never before. Through prayer we hear from God about the issue and gain wisdom into how that help should look so we actually help and not hinder.
In my marriage of 18+ years, I’ve learned that the most effective forms of help my husband needs include being a prayer warrior, a spiritual and professional strategist, a discerner, and an accountability partner. Did I know this in our first years of marriage?
Absolutely not.
We knew very little about what we needed. However, because of our commitment to each other and our covenant with God, we fought for our union and, in the process, we found the keys to helping each other be the best spouse we can be. I’m still learning about how to better help my husband. After all, didn’t God just reprimand me for wanting to leave my husband helpless? When I don’t feel like helping, that’s when I have to go to my Help.
I’m sure someone reading this is thinking that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. It’s true, ultimately, a person has to desire better and work for better in order for lasting change to occur. But, like my mamma asked me when I was a teenager complaining about doing chores while my brothers appeared to be doing nothing, she said: Now what does that have to do with you? Focus on what I asked you to do. I’m the mother and I will deal with them.
That night when God scolded me, I could hear my mamma’s voice from 30-something years ago. This time I was admonished to focus on who God created me to be for Him, first, and for my husband, second. God will deal with my husband.
The big picture is this: I was created to help God accomplish His plans in the earth with my husband. By helping my husband, I actually am helping God. My husband needs me, but my Heavenly Father needed me first. The good news is that God put inside of me everything I need in order to be the helpmate I was created to be. It’s in me, and it’s in you. Fight for it!
BMWK wives, do you ever get tired of helping? How do you stay encouraged?