If you were on a first date and the successful, swagalicious man you met on Soul Swipe said, “Am I ever gonna get remarried? I don’t think so. Yeah, I don’t think so. Marriage is an institution of sorts and I’ve done it. It’s not for everybody. It’s not my life’s calling,” what would you do?
Tell the truth and shame the devil, ladies.
Would you run for the hills so he doesn’t waste your time? Or would you stick around, hoping he’d change his mind once he saw you were the right woman?
Well, the above quote came straight out of Idris Elba’s mouth and was printed in the August 2017 issue of Essence magazine. Yet, on February 9th, 2018, Idris proposed to his girlfriend, Sabrina Dhowre at a screening of his own movie. Never say never, I guess?
I’m happy for the new Black Power Couple-to-be, but as a dating and relationship expert, I’ve got a few questions. Admittedly, we don’t know much about their whirlwind romance, but I’m searching for lessons that single sisters can apply to their own lives if they ever encounter a man who has a case of the Idris Elba Syndrome, a term I’m coining to describe a man who says he has no intention of settling down, yet changes his mind when he meets the right woman.
I married a man who told me he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship when we first met, so I know that it’s possible. And I also know that as a woman, you have to navigate the early stages of the relationship with a man who has the Idris Elba Syndrome with a strong commitment to your own relationship goals, otherwise you can get stuck in a situation for years, hoping he’ll get on the same page as you. With that in mind, let’s look at how Idris may have changed his perspective on marriage during his relationship with Sabrina.
He went public with the relationship
Mr. Elba said he fell in love with Sabrina while filming a movie about falling in love, and shortly thereafter, he brought her on the red carpet as his date. Sources close to him said he liked to keep his relationships private, so the fact that he was happy to have her on his arm for the world to see, was a big step and a sign he was getting serious about her.
He put a title on it
In a Refinery29 article, Idris told the world he had a girlfriend (and many women crossed him off their #MCM lists; they were so heartbroken). Here’s the lesson: A man who is reluctant to put a title on it will most likely NEVER put a ring on it. If you’re dating a man who feels unsure about marriage, watch to see if he’s willing to commit to defining the relationship or not. That will reveal if he’s playing games or if he’s evolving on his position toward marriage.
He put a ring on it
Idris surprised Sabrina when he got on one knee and proposed in front of friends during the screening of his film, Yardie. I’m curious if they had talked about marriage prior to that or if his decision to propose was completely a surprise to Sabrina. Either way, Idris Elba broke his vow to never marry again so that he can exchange marriage vows with his lady love.
The bottom line is there’s nothing a woman can do to change a man’s mind about marriage (and it’s not your job to do so either). It’s up to him to grow through his fears and inhibitions. The only reason you should stick around with a man who tells you upfront he’s never going to marry is if you see his actions beginning to align with the characteristics of a marriage-minded man. Talk is cheap, even when it’s something you don’t want to hear. Actions always speak louder than words!
BMWK, what do you think of Idris Elba’s change of heart? Post your opinions below.