Whether you are single or married, if you’re a parent there is one other parent in this world you must build a healthy relationship with. It isn’t always easy, even when you are married, to be on the exact same page all the time.
My husband and I have slightly different parenting styles, and I must admit his way has garnered the most success. I would sometimes cringe at the tough love I felt he displayed with our children. I discovered that the reprimanding and the lengthy conversations along with the action items is just what they needed.
My husband takes his parenting responsibility seriously as I do; my approach leaned a little more toward trusting they would get it. Meaning I was a little more relaxed on how I disciplined them. Thinking a quick pep talk would do the trick without the necessary follow up resulted in plenty of repeat behavior. Children might respond to that positively at that moment, but in my experience it just doesn’t seem to register. And unfortunately they have come to expect that from me.
While I used to think being labeled the “fun or cool parent” was not such a bad thing, I am now recreating my mommy role into one that challenges my children even more. I found myself longing to be that tough parent, just like my husband.
Partnering with him and standing by those tough parenting decisions even when at times they feel a little uncomfortable is what is truly best for their growth. I know it will have a powerful impact on the women they will become. I am now following the wonderful example he is setting.
We both have high expectations for the children, but his actions consistently mirrored those expectations. The girls respond and they take immediate action to make corrections, because it is what he requires and they realize they could do better. Doing it my way wasn’t working. It is important for them to see my husband and I better connected on the parenting front. Seeing us connected allows our girls to grow up in a household with parents who stand together and behind a certain way of disciplining. So in our home there will no longer be good cop or bad cop, but two lovingly concerned parents united.
Even if we weren’t married, I would still desire for my husband and me to demonstrate this type of co-parenting partnership. And we have great examples of this in our family. We have family members who are divorced but have made the conscious choice to have a healthy relationship for the sake of their children. There is a peace among them which allows the children to feel secure in the fact that both mom and dad are always there to support them no matter what has happened between the two of them. Children need to know that even if their parents no longer love one another they still love them and are willing to come together for their good. How strong of a message is that? It’s powerful and unselfish. Children who are able to grow up with that type of parenting are blessed all the more.
There are multiple ways to parent effectively. The bottom line is that the focus has to always be about the children and what would benefit them the most. This has to consistently be the ultimate goal for both parents.
BMWK family, how does it go down in your house? Are you both on the same page in terms of how you will parent?