The other day my wife and I had “the talk.” You know, the one about potentially bringing miniature versions of us into this world. Now that we’ve had the discussion, all l I keep seeing are rebellious teenagers, all I keep hearing in my ears is screaming and temper tantrums, all I taste in my mouth is smashed peas and carrots, and all I keep feeling is like I don’t have a clue about how to take care of someone who will be totally dependent on me. It’s almost surreal that I am even having that conversation, but it’s even more mind blowing that it’s very possible that in a few years I could possibly be someone’s father! I’m sitting over here sucking my thumb (okay not really, maybe sipping my beer) right now getting butterflies in my stomach and thinking “life just got real!”
Okay so first, you are telling me that not only do I have to deal with pregnancy hormones and go buy my wife ice cream and pickles in the middle of the night, but I also have to buy diapers, baby food, and formula. Geesh…you have to be kidding me! And ummmmm I don’t know how I feel about baby formula replacing my beer budget! There has to be some room to negotiate here or something. Oh and now you are telling me that I will have to wake up like 3 or 4 times a night just because the baby doesn’t feel like sleeping!? Don’t you know how much I enjoy my sleep and how cranky I am without my 8 hours?! Hold up…what did you just say….did you just say that my kid might have the audacity to pee or throw up on me after I already got dressed for work!? Now you know I can’t function when I am thrown off schedule!! Boy oh boy I might need to reconsider this talk we just had.
Well maybe I need to stop being so selfish and realize that a baby can’t help being helpless, plus he or she will be so cute that it won’t bother me as much as I think. That’s what I thought until you told me one day these kids will turn into teenagers and start driving me crazy. I don’t know how much eye rolling and talking back I will be able to deal with without ending up behind bars. Then you are telling me that my kids are going to be walking around with their little headphones on with their little I-whatevers, being lazy and acting entitled. They are going to want money for activities and trips and then they are going to want groceries as well, but they are going to act like they can’t do any chores. Huh…you have got to be kidding me, not after all this working I’ve been doing trying to make sure that my future family will be taken care of. Did you just say they are going to want to date other little boys or girls and I am going to have to have THAT “the talk” with them? Oh boy this can’t be life and my brain is starting to hurt.
Alright so I finally broke my pockets and got them off to college. They worked hard, got a degree so help me understand why on earth they are back at my door talking about they need a place to stay because they can’t find a job?! I thought our work was done! I thought the wife and I had the house to ourselves…just us, my man cave, her knitting room, and our Medicare benefits but now these kids are showing back up. Does it never end?
Hold up what’s that I hear…who is pregnant? Grandkids on the way….well maybe they won’t be so bad!
I guess y’all can see that I have played the scenarios out in my mind and I am sure my wife and I will be in for many surprises when we enter into parenthood, but I know one thing that I plan to have remain consistent and that’s that my wife and I plan to be very unselfish, and to support each other through the process. Today President Obama spoke at the Morehouse Commencement and he said one thing that stuck with me, he said “I know that when I am on my death bed one day I will not be thinking about any piece of legislation, or my Nobel peace prize; I will be thinking about that walk I took with my daughters….and that I did right by them!” I am sure parenthood won’t be an easy task, but I am sure about one thing and that’s that I will set the best example for my children that I possibly can.
BMWK Family get involved in the conversation: What are the biggest challenges of becoming a new parent?