In any relationship there will be ups and downs. One of the keys to having more ups than downs is being able to communicate effectively with our loved ones. Whether it’s a spouse, partner or child, communicating effectively seems simple enough when times are good but the slightest disagreement or misunderstanding can derail and ruin even the best relationships forever.
Two Ears and One Mouth
As a child, my grandmother provided sage advice about not saying something I would later regret or saying something that would ruin a relationship. Whenever I was about to allow my youthful exuberance to get the best of me, she would quote the Greek philosopher Epictetus. Nate she would say>
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
My grandmother, a woman who did not have a PhD or any post high school education for that matter, shared with me very early the invaluable wisdom of listening more than speaking. This early insight set the stage for learning that not only should I speak less and listen more, but when I had something to say it might be a good idea to write it down first.
A Pen and Paper
Looking back on my childhood, those talks with my grandmother about talking and listening may have been the basis for my love and appreciation for the power of words. In retrospect, those talks provided the guidance to not only avoid speaking in anger, but to take advantage of the opportunity to chronicle good times and loving moments. Although this might be a man card violation, I learned from my grandmother the value of writing love letters.
My grandmother hadn’t suggested that I give up my masculinity, she simply wanted me to avoid the path that many people take – the path of regrets – saying the first thing that comes to mind and acting out of the heat of passion. She believed that if I embraced Epictetus philosophy, took the time to write, gave myself a cooling off period when I was upset, and gave consideration about living life without that person whom I was attempting to communicate with, I would have fewer regrets than most.
No Regrets, Leave Nothing To Chance
If my grandmother were alive today she would encourage you to have no regrets and to leave nothing to chance. However since she is only with us in spirit, it’s up to me to do what she can no longer do in person.
So in tribute to my grandmother, take a moment the next time you are upset or having trouble communicating with a loved to write a love letter. For starters, writing a love letter is simple; all you have to do is love someone. To write a love letter, all you have to do is be genuine. To write a love letter, all you have to do is ponder life without those you love.
There is no time like the present to share how important a loved one is to you. Here are a two things that I believe my grandmother would want you to know to get you started:
1. Take Advantage of NOW
Tell them what you would want them to know if today was their last day on earth because it very well could be – 151,600 people die each day. I am a big proponent of living in the NOW. In fact, I believe the world is made up of billions and trillions of NOWs. Most of us are raised to believe that tomorrow is not promised yet we live and love as if NOW is secondary.
NOW is primary. NOW is what matters most. So stop what you are doing, stop making excuses and write your loved ones NOW. You can either express how you feel NOW or you can hold out hope for tomorrow. There are at least 151,600 people each day who would encourage you to express your feelings NOW.
2. Create an Action Plan
If you are one who fears getting “all mushy” write your loved ones an action plan. Put in words how you plan to be a better spouse, mother or father. If you are constantly late for dinner, put a plan of action together so that you can be on time more often. If you rarely have enough energy to be amorous, put a plan of action together so that you can reignite the passion.
If you are noticeably and routinely absent from the events your child considers important, put a plan of action together so that you can be a more purposeful and intentional parent. When designed properly and followed deliberately, a plan that expresses your love is priceless
There may be other things you can do to enhance communication and express your feelings, but I think you should give my grandmother’s suggestion a try. I believe she and Epictetus were absolutely correct. Two ears are better than one mouth and nothing overshadows the heart-felt written word.
BMWK – Do you ever have problems communicating? When was the last time you wrote someone you loved a love letter?