We study for exams in school.
We study for a driving test.
We study for a job interview.
We study for anything that requires more knowledge than we already have. And why do we study? Because we want to perform well and present ourselves as competent. The same should be true in a relationship. Ladies, we should study the man in our lives.
Take notes of his likes and dislikes.
Read about things he’s interested in.
Watch a few of his favorite television programs.
Be on the lookout for what makes him de-stress.
Pay attention to what makes his body respond.
Listen to know when to speak and when to be silent.
Recently, I revealed to my husband that I have been studying him, particularly how he deals with stress. He usually takes a couple of days to process things internally before sharing them with me. The old me would badger him to talk and then take it personally if he didn’t.
“I know something is wrong. Why don’t you talk to me? . . . You don’t trust me? Aren’t we married?”
That was crazy talk for sure and only made him shut down even more. When I was nagging, I should have been studying, and then I would have known to give him emotional and physical space to process life’s issues his way not my way. So far, I’ve been implementing what I’ve learned, yet I remain open to learning even more about the man I love.
Of course, a man should study his woman, too. It goes both ways. My man, for example, is learning to do his homework so he can communicate better and predict when I need “me time.” Nevertheless, my focus isn’t on what he should be doing; it’s on what I should be doing““which is being grateful for the wonderful man I have and learning how to satisfy and support him.
I’ll end by sharing what an older wise woman told me: “Either you know your husband, baby, or someone else will.” Now, I don’t believe in living in fear of somebody taking my man, but I know the devil is crafty and will use any opportunity to create division in a marriage. When I don’t take the time or effort to study my husband, I put our union at risk. So, I heed this wise woman’s advice and determine to study my man because I love him but also because I am wise.
BMWK, what’s your take on studying each other in a relationship?