I want you to know that I am not one to typically lump men into a category of “all men.” I don’t entertain those questions like “why do men cheat” or “why do men lie.” I think the world would be a better place if we didn’t act like those behaviors are universal and that the answers are one-size-fits-all. Plus men aren’t the only ones who do those things, so it’s unfair to make the questions and the answers specific to just one part of the human race.
What I am interested in are those seemingly universal male-truths that have left me with no answers. I’m not saying these are true of all men, because I don’t know all of them, so feel free to disagree. I’m just talking about all of the men that I do know. My intent is not to male-bash, just to get some answers to those burning questions like….
Why in the world do men always close the soda bottle so tightly? It doesn’t matter what age, race, city or creed, I can always tell if a man closed the bottle of soda. It is always closed as if he said “And in my house…[*twists top while channeling He-Man* ] NO ONE shall ever drink soda again!” If a man closes the top, there is a 100 percent chance that I’ll have to get a man to re-open it.
Why can men never find stuff? If my husband asks where is [fill in the blank], there is a high likelihood that whatever he is looking for is really close to his face at the current moment. When I tell him and he still can’t find it, that likelihood is even higher. The question “where is…” almost always ends in me having to find it myself….Where I told him it was…. Right next to his face.
Why can men be so amazing at being detail oriented, until they can’t? A man might be able to remember every single player that was on the field in the 1989 Super Bowl. He might be able to tell you who produced every track on a rap album he bought in the 10th grade. But ask him about somebody’s birthday outside of his immediate family and get met with a blank stare.
Women, am I all alone in finding these things true of most men? Men, do you have any answers to my questions? Why do these things happen? I need insight!