NEWS FLASH…This idea of “RELATIONSHIP” is not always a smooth ride! We must understand that even though love and relationships are always a risk we can do things to give ourselves the best chance of making them successful.
On the flip side there are things that we can do to make sure we have the most perplexing experiences ever. Sometimes, as a coach, I get so frustrated because I can see the crash coming as soon as the trip gets started.
However, I’ve found that too many people need to feel the impact of the crash in order to truly get the lesson. Well, here are the 9 most common things I see on the dating and relationship journey that can cause you to crash if you don’t take control of the wheel.
1) Being impatient
The faster society and technology move, the faster we want to move in relationships; but when we do this, we don’t get to know the person, we get to know their representative. We jump into sex in a matter of hours, relationships in a matter of days, and marriages in a matter of just a few months and then wonder why the person we married is totally different than the person we thought we married. SLOW DOWN!
2) Making unwise choices
So many times we get so caught up in the SEX that we forget about the SUBSTANCE. We get caught up in the CHEMISTRY instead of CHARACTER, and we focus on the LUST not knowing if the person is truly capable of the LOVE.
Another thing we do is jump into bad situations and then wonder why we are losing. We look for love with people who are already involved; we try to save people who haven’t saved themselves yet; and we try to make people love us who have no intention of loving us back. Not choosing wisely is a recipe for disaster so give yourself the best chance by not only choosing a person with shared values but by also choosing a good SITUATION.
3) Blaming more than working
Sometimes we get into relationships and marriages without understanding that they take continuing education and investment. Instead of doing that, we spend too much time and effort blaming one another for what’s wrong in the relationship.
The truth is that healthy relationships don’t just happen; you and your mate have to educate yourselves in order for the relationship to grow. Blaming is a waste of time. Instead, start WORKING together…you will be much more pleased with the end result.
4) Holding on when you should let go
Some of us have been holding on to bad situations for so long that we’ve begun to think that it’s normal. Some believe that being mistreated, abused, cheated on, or not being made a priority is normal and thus we hold on. We hold on because we are afraid of being alone, or we are trying to “win” in a losing situation. Sometimes you just have to let it go.
5) Spreading the bad news more than the good news
What you feed is what will grow. If all you ever do is bad mouth your mate and look for the wrong in that person, then that will become the theme of your relationship. If he or she is really that bad then ask yourself…why are you still around?
6) Being more selfish than selfless
Too many of us get into relationships because of what they can do for us instead of what we can do for them. If your attitude is always about taking and never about giving then your relationship will crash and burn.
7) Settling instead of having standards
Sometimes we get lonely and frustrated with dating so we start settling on the important things and they come back to haunt us later. If you don’t have shared values and intentions then you shouldn’t be pursuing one another. SIMPLE!
8) Trying to change instead of accepting
If you are expecting someone to magically change just because the two of you get into a relationship or marriage, then you are wishfully thinking. Love is about accepting someone, not changing them.
So, if you have doubts about who someone is and your ability to be in a relationship with them AS IS, then you must RECONSIDER. Oh, and don’t go blaming that person if you ignore this fact and he or she just happens to remain exactly the person they have always been.
9) Seeking convenient advice instead of caring advice
While we all need a little advice from time to time, sometimes who you are seeking it from makes a difference. Sometimes, your miserable “friends,” or the homeboys around you who have never been in a healthy relationship, may not be the people to ask.
Here is a hard to swallow truth: sometimes we ask these people because we know they will give us the answers we WANT to hear and not the ones we NEED to hear. Seek some nonbiased help from time to time and you might be surprised at what type of insight you can gain.
Relationships aren’t always a smooth ride but if you educate yourself about the ride, take the right precautions, make sure the ride is safe, choose a good vehicle, and make sure you have some good mechanics on board you at least give yourself a better chance for a successful trip!
BMWK Fam what are some other things we do in dating and in relationships that set us up to have a bumpy ride?