Do you know what it’s like to love someone unconditionally? Better yet, besides your parents or children, do you know what it feels like to BE loved unconditionally? Someone who has seen you at your lowest of lows and passes no judgment. They love you, “in spite of.” I know a love like this and I find it incredibly amazing to be loved by someone who sees you and loves you for all that you are (and are not). Believe it or not, there a lot of people who believe that this type of love can’t truly exist among married couples, because we ALL have “deal breaker clauses.” The hopeless romantic in me feels like this is an achievable and realistic love in a marriage and that it’s definitely something that every marriage should have in the core of the relationship along with trust, honor, respect, and adoration for one another.
We’re not talking superficial here, “Oh he’s seen with my head tied up” or “She’s smelled my morning breath.” Not even, “Oh he’s seen me without makeup,” because we all know that beauty fades and youth is temporary. I’m talking about loving you in spite of your deepest character flaws (and we all have them). Loving you even when your behavior is less than desirable. A love that is there for you even if it doesn’t feel reciprocal.
Comedian Chris Rock said in his stand up years ago that when you meet someone, you’re not really meeting them, you’re meeting their representative. That’s a funny statement but often times, it’s true. As time goes on we have to shed that first layer and the real you (and them) should emerge. Surely, this takes time because we don’t want to scare our potential love interest away, but it should definitely happen if we feel like this person could be “the one”.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there’s a lot to be said about “loving and being loved…no matter what.” There is no such thing as the perfect spouse either. Unfortunately, my imperfections prove to me day in and day out that my sweet husband loves me unconditionally. That’s an earnest prayer that I have for married couples everywhere, especially those considering marriage. Regardless of all the types of love or love languages out there, the love in spite of, is the one that will outlast the test of time.
BMWK — Do you believe it is possible to love your spouse unconditionally?