Do you know what it’s like to love someone unconditionally? Better yet, besides your parents or children, do you know what it feels like to BE loved unconditionally? Someone who has seen you at your lowest of lows and passes no judgment. They love you, “in spite of.” I know a love like this and I find it incredibly amazing to be loved by someone who sees you and loves you for all that you are (and are not). Believe it or not, there a lot of people who believe that this type of love can’t truly exist among married couples, because we ALL have “deal breaker clauses.” The hopeless romantic in me feels like this is an achievable and realistic love in a marriage and that it’s definitely something that every marriage should have in the core of the relationship along with trust, honor, respect, and adoration for one another.
We’re not talking superficial here, “Oh he’s seen with my head tied up” or “She’s smelled my morning breath.” Not even, “Oh he’s seen me without makeup,” because we all know that beauty fades and youth is temporary. I’m talking about loving you in spite of your deepest character flaws (and we all have them). Loving you even when your behavior is less than desirable. A love that is there for you even if it doesn’t feel reciprocal.
Comedian Chris Rock said in his stand up years ago that when you meet someone, you’re not really meeting them, you’re meeting their representative. That’s a funny statement but often times, it’s true. As time goes on we have to shed that first layer and the real you (and them) should emerge. Surely, this takes time because we don’t want to scare our potential love interest away, but it should definitely happen if we feel like this person could be “the one”.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there’s a lot to be said about “loving and being loved…no matter what.” There is no such thing as the perfect spouse either. Unfortunately, my imperfections prove to me day in and day out that my sweet husband loves me unconditionally. That’s an earnest prayer that I have for married couples everywhere, especially those considering marriage. Regardless of all the types of love or love languages out there, the love in spite of, is the one that will outlast the test of time.
BMWK — Do you believe it is possible to love your spouse unconditionally?
Yess, unconditional love is REAL, GOD shows it to us, HE places it into us, unfortunately, we, as humans, do not really grasp this because of the fore mentioned, “deal breaker” clause we all seem to carry within us, but I must say this, if you truly love someone, and I mean that saying we older folks say “loving your dirty drawers” You can love unconditionally….I found that I had showed it following my wife’s infidelity in our marriage, and because I had showed it/ demonstrated it/ lived it, and PROVED it, my wife changed for the better of our marriage, because love, unconditional, does cover a multitude of wrongs (sins) I am a witness…
I do believe in unconditional love. I consider the love of my parents as unconditional because they love me very much in spite of everything that I am. Even with all my flaws and imperfections, they always accept me no matter what. I am very glad and thankful to God for my parents. 🙂
We live in a jaded world that is constantly sending messages that contradict unconditional love: Love em and leave em…if one don’t work just get another one…man forget that, there are a lot of fish in the sea. People experiment with dating like they’re in a science lab about to cut open a frog. Oops! blew that, Hey! I need another frog. Pass me another frog! I know. I’m being loose here, but you get my meaning.
So where do we learn unconditional love when couples married 20 and 40 yrs are divorcing? Well, they obviously never really knew, or were not taught it either. My parents were together 70 yrs. They passed away within 3 yrs of each other. They endured so much including a house full of children and my father having few good job opportunities. It was hell more often than I like to remember. It was not perfect or even close.
Some say their generation had to stay together because they had so few options. Maybe. But my dad the louse he could be to my mother still called her his only sweetheart after she passed away and did not want to be here once she was gone.
I have one failed abusive marriage from my youth. But years later met a man who I love and have been in love with now for 19 years. We are not together because he was not ready to grow up.
A few weeks ago he found a business card with my number on the back and called. Nothing has changed between us. We still love each other and have not forgotten one single moment since we met. I’d been trying to find him and he was looking for me on the Web. I didn’t even know he used computers. He use to hate them.
We are in different cities and thinking about each other all this time. It has awed me that no matter what happened, we could forgive each other. We never lived together and he never pushed it.
This is the love God showed us, and gave us. Didn’t he expect marriage that lasts a life time between two people would hinge on unconditional love? Are we afraid of it? Think that it’s impossible? Only happens in fairy tales–forever and ever love? Well, I would submit, where did the writers of fairy tales get the concept in the first place?
A life time of love in Marriage is not impossible. Our expectations of love and marriage are just too low and tainted with the world’s concept of it. The Bible says: Love is as strong as death…
I know now that it is. He and I have enough blame to pass back and forth. But I tell you this, Love is not just commitment. It’s the ability to forgive and build on what you have from the inside out, rather than the outside in.
We proved we could go on without each other. But we also proved going on without each other, and ‘living’ without each other, are two extremely different things.