Okay, so in last week’s article I told the fellas to stop blaming their wives for everything and making them the villain. The ladies were clapping and high fiving all the way to the end of the blog. A few even tagged their men (we see you,lol).
But alas, as promised, I told the ladies I had one coming for them, too! Ladies, many of you also don’t even notice how bad you make marriage sound to all of your single friends. So with that said, stop blaming your man for these things.
Your life being boring
Your social life didn’t have to end just because you got married. Be honest. Half of the time your friends want to hook up for brunch, happy hour or wine at a friend’s house, you cancel.
You don’t cancel because your husband said you can’t go. You don’t cancel because your husband can’t handle the kids. You cancel because you’re tired and don’t want to get dressed or spend time with your girls when you can catch up with them via the phone or GroupMe just the same…while wearing sweatpants and a head scarf from the comfort of your own couch.
For always being tired and stressed out
There are a lot of things that cause stress in our lives. Yes, you might have kids, yes work has stressors and so on and so forth. Many times, though, you’ve signed up to be superwoman by trying to fight the bad guys, fix the dinner and save the day all by yourself. Understand, that even superheroes need a sidekick, and sometimes, help doesn’t arrive until your put up that Bat Signal. You can’t make your husband the scapegoat if he doesn’t know you’re stressed or how he can help.
You may complain to your friends, saying he doesn’t do this and he doesn’t do that and because of those things you’re miserable and stressed out. But if that’s truly the case, then you have bigger issues to deal with.
For letting yourself go
Okay, okay, okay…before you get offended about the “letting yourself go” part, what I’m referring to is losing yourself in your marriage.
Yes, a part of you must be sacrificed in marriage to become one, but you don’t have to completely lose your identity. You don’t have to stop enjoying some of the things you enjoy. You don’t have to lose passion and purpose.
You also don’t have to let your health slide and your spiritual life doesn’t have to die either. In fact, you’re better in your marriage, as a parent and as a woman if you still connect to those things.
For forgetting to do something
Yes, in the event that you actually do drop the ball for once—whether you forgot to bring cupcakes to the school or you forgot about that housewarming party you were supposed to attend as a couple—stop using your husband as the go-to scapegoat when you mess up.
While it’s a more convincing argument that the husband would forget, there is no need to sprinkle your lie with the extra commentary: “That man will forgot his own head if it wasn’t attached.” Just admit it, you know you’re wrong.
There are so many people looking up to you, so be aware of the example you set as a wife and the narrative you create about marriage. You chose your husband for a reason, and you chose to get married. And odds are, the good outweighs the bad. Just be conscious about the perception you’re giving to others because like I said, they’re watching.
BMWK, wives, have you been guilty of blaming your husband for anything he didn’t deserve?