Did you know that people are watching and listening to the things you say and actions you take regarding your marriage? Your children, other family members and friends all get their basic views of marriage from those they know that are married. There are already such negative viewpoints on marriage, especially in our communities. What insight will your actions give others about the type of marriage you have? Are you the type of spouse that frequently complains about what’s not working in your marriage to anyone who will listen? If so, I am going to ask you nicely to stop.
So marriages aren’t perfect, and things won’t always go the way we think they should. You may not be having the amount of sex you expected or asking your spouse to share in the household chores is becoming cumbersome. I get that. But let’s stop ratting out our marriages especially if we haven’t first had the necessary conversations with our spouses to improve the situation. In every other situation in our life (work, family and even in friendships) we experience disappointment. Yet, we continue to show up and expect the best in those situations; why not in our marriage? Even with our jobs, you’ll hear us complain, but then we quickly remember the reason we stay and highlight that to others by saying things like “but, the pay is good, or the hours aren’t bad, or at least I have cool co-workers.” But with marriage, there is normally only the complaint left as the lasting impression to the people we whine to.
When being honest about marriage, naturally it’s not all roses, but it certainly isn’t all thorns either. I’m suggesting sharing the good also. Even when you share the negative, be honest about your own contribution to improving your marriage. Take ownership of your half of the relationship. Consider the results of speaking ill about your marriage and the effects it has on those listening. Some will be completely turned off. Others will repeat what they’ve heard. The negative conversations on marriage can easily become someone’s expectation when they enter into the same situation and some will act based on those expectations ruining their marriage from the start.
Here is my challenge to married couples: wear your marriage well. Be proud to be married. Highlight the positives. When something great happens, share that with those watching you. Whenever you were able to successfully overcome a hurdle, explain how you did it. Allow others to hear positive stories about your marriage not just the negative. When there is that desire to vent, use a different approach. Explain that disagreements are normal in any relationship, but the way in which you handle them makes the difference. Avoid describing marriage as hard work. Rather, describe it as requiring love, commitment, time and positive energy, but the result that all of that brings is worth it.