I have been married for over 17 years. Through the ups and downs I have learned several lessons that made me a better spouse. In fact, I’m sure quite a few couples have learned through trial and error things they could teach other couples. Here are a few of mine:
How to communicate effectively to my spouse
My husband and I did not know how to communicate. I didn’t listen well and I felt that he always had to be right. Which, as you can imagine caused quite a bit of frustration.
Related: 21 Conversation starters to help couples struggling to communicate
Our communication was all kinds of funky early on. It wasn’t until we started to really listen to what the other needed did our communication Improve. My lessons were to be an active listener, take myself out of the equation, and pay attention to what my husband said he needed.
How to act like a life partner and demonstrate my loyalty
I got married in my 20s which could be considered young. I still had maturing to do. I struggled a bit with that stand by your man at all times mode of thinking.
I would make decisions without considering him, like planning weekend getaways with friends. Making him feel like an afterthought. It didn’t work. I learned that my loyalty was to him and he had to be made to feel like the priority in my life.
How to cater to my husband’s needs
Ooh this was a challenge for me in the beginning of my marriage. My mom was a single mom, so I didn’t learn how to cater to and take of your man. I would question everything.
Why, after I’ve cooked should I fix his plate too? The easy answer became because sometimes he likes me too. It’s that simple, if it pleases him, it’s a small sacrifice I am willing to make.
How to disagree
We didn’t know how to fight. There’s been yelling, unnecessary comments and shutting down in our past. We could go days without speaking.
Related: Fighting words – how to argue effectively
Can you imagine living in the same house, raising children together and having two adults not talking. It’s awkward and unhealthy. We both learned how to reach out and be an adult. Whether we felt we were right or wrong. We now know what to do when we disagree.
How to maintain peace in my home
One of the things I pride myself on is the minimal amount of drama that exists in our home. I personally can’t do a lot of back and forth and figure pointing. If we can’t find a solution in that moment, I’m good with stepping away and taking a brief intermission to figure out what’s happening.
We learned that our goal as a couple is to have joy and peace. With that, it’s understood there are certain behaviors that won’t help us reach that goal.
At some point in our lives we are all teachers and we are all students. The life challenges we experience come to make us stronger and better. It’s time we learned from our marriage obstacles and use those lessons to create better relationships.
BMWK, What Have You Learned About Marriage That You Could Teach Other Couples?