By Bil Mooney-McCoy
“See what it once was; well, it ain’t now. I’ma tell you what it is…” Lyrics from a song my son wrote.
You know, sometimes, it’s important to look back – to see where you’ve come from.
Lately, I’ve been distressed. I’ve assessed where I am professionally, artistically, and vocationally and I feel regret. At this stage and age, I should be further in my career as a musician. I should be more financially set. I should have a wider influence. I should be able to sight read better, play lead guitar licks faster, have my PhD in composition, own a keyboard that’s from this century. (Insert sigh here)
The reality is that I have failed to capitalize on opportunities, shied away from challenges, made strategic mistakes, and simply not believed in myself and God’s ability to use me.
Additionally, I’ve been upset about difficult family circumstances, car drama, my own personal character development (or lack thereof); big things like the state of the church or race in America; small things like finding a parking space within a light year of my house on my snowbound street. To miscontextualize Jesus Culture: “On and on and on and on it goes.”
But this morning, the Father led me to a devotional that got me thinking about all the places I’ve been. And I realize there is so much to be grateful for. So, today, I’m playing a game called “What it once was, well, it ain’t now”.
So, yes, I am acutely aware of my shortcomings, my character defects, my unresolved issues. But there was a time when I was in the throes of habitual sin that threatened my very life. Those days are past; the things I used to do – I don’t do them anymore. What it once was, well, it ain’t now.
And, yes, I’m bummed out when I have a bit of trouble falling asleep once in a while. But years ago, I was sitting in a sleep clinic trying to address my chronic insomnia. It’s rare now. What it once was, well, it ain’t now.
And, yes, my job is SO stressful, busy, intense, complex. But once, I didn’t have a job. And now, I’m getting paid to write euphonium and bass clarinet parts; to play bass; to mentor the next generation. What it once was, well, it ain’t now.
And yes, I get ticked that members of my church can’t seem to show up for worship service on time, Sunday after Sunday. But there were times when the Mooney-McCoy’s didn’t have a church, didn’t know where we were supposed to worship. And God led us to our spiritual home where we know we have a place and a family. What it once was, well, it ain’t now.
And, yes, I’m frustrated that my son leaves his clothes in the bathroom and is allergic to shutting off the cellar light. But today I remember that for a long time, this son was too depressed to look for a job. That same young man has now been responsibly employed for more than 2 ½ years and his store manager has high praise for his work. What it once was, well, it ain’t now.
And yes, if I zoom way out, I know we have a lot of work to do to heal racial divisions and inequities. Ferguson happened. But years ago, there were parts of my city that weren’t safe for me. I almost got beat up by white teenagers while walking through Wainwright Park. Today, my son, the songwriter, lives there. Without fear. What it once was, well, it ain’t now.
Hey, you know what?! You can play this game, too!
I don’t need to ignore that fact that I have work to do. Hard work. And my life is, in many ways, difficult and painful; my future, uncertain. And I need to correct my missteps as much as I can – moving forward and not obsessing over days lost. But, to quote what we sang in Brandeis’ Gospel Choir in the days before mp3’s and SUV’s: “Just look where I’ve come from; I’ve come a long way, come a long way.”
And today, I choose to say: Thanks be to God! ’Cuz, what it once was, well, it ain’t now.
BMWK, what are you grateful for now, that you didn’t have in the past?
Bil Mooney-McCoy is a native of Boston, married for 33 years and father of three adult children. A computer programmer, freelance musician, and ordained minister, he has been a speaker or facilitator presenting on topics including sexual addiction, marriage and relationships, music ministry, and racial reconciliation. His passions include his morning coffee, finding new guitar chords, creating killer PowerPoint presentations, and watching how fast his oldest daughter can text her friends. Click here for more information about Bil Mooney – McCoy https://www.newcitymusicboston.com/lessons/