By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Over the years I have heard wives express concern for their husband’s leadership skills. They will often admit they allow their better halves to take the lead and he just won’t step up to take the wheel. Of course it causes certain frustrations and results in the wife pulling back her willingness to allow her husband to lead.
I have found that the wife comes to the point she no longer trusts her husband to take charge. And husbands eventually find themselves in a battle for the “Head of Household” title. It also becomes a lot more challenging for a wife to submit to a husband she does not trust to lead. And here is where many couples struggle.
In our communities and as Christians we are taught about submission and the “roles” of husbands as well as wives. While most of us try to adhere to those “roles” many more of us are going against the grain and our households are out of order. Some wives are wearing “the pants” (so to speak) and many husbands are passively taking a step back. However, certain things are just in our nature. Men are born to lead. They are to wear the crown, sit on a throne and be the king of the castle. Women are nurturers, we love being able to take care of and support (emotionally) our families. So if this is the nature and order of things, what’s getting in our way?
A husband is unable to lead if he is not consistently given the opportunity. Consistency may be difficult if there have been previous errors in leadership. How do we excel in any given situation but by practice? Wives, if you believe that your husband always has the best intentions for his family and will not purposely make decisions that will cause irreparable damage, let go and follow. This is especially important for those marriages that may be troubled with leadership tug-of-war.
With two people in a marriage and many duties, including childcare, household and finances, it makes sense to divide the roles. Although there is a clear leader, in many organizations for example, there are support positions that make sure each department runs smoothly. A good leader always needs those necessary people in place to keep the ship afloat i.e. the wife. For those wives who are holding on to the idea of being captain, please know that it is okay to trust your husband’s guidance. Allow yourself to be comforted in the fact that the ship will not sail without you.
How does submission and\or leadership work in your marriage?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing and creator of The Black Wives’ Club. Tiya resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.