When Sex is Less Sexy Than It Appears!

by Aja Dorsey Jackson

Have you ever seen those steamy movie love scenes or listened to those get-you-in-the mood songs and thought to yourself “hmmm I should try that later”? Have you ever tried said activity later only to find that in real life it was the most unsexy experience that you have ever had? Maybe it is just me, but there seem to be some sexual clichés that are fairly common in movies and music that in real life are just downright unrealistic. Below are my top five bedroom clichés that are far less sexy than they appear.

1. Sex on the Beach (or in the grass) Have you ever seen those romantic movies where the couple is running along on the beach or in a field and ends up on the ground literally rolling around in the hay? This scenario is always problematic to me because 1) Maybe it’s just because I’m not rich, but the beaches that I go to always have a bunch of other people on them. That’s just not something I want to be doing next to five year olds building sandcastles and 2) My head is not touching the ground, especially in the absence of a headscarf. Once I stopped the scene to tie my hair up and put a satin bonnet over it I’m sure that the sexiness would diminish greatly.
2. Sex in a Public Bathroom Whenever this happens in movies I always wonder what bathroom they are in that is completely clean and empty with mahogany wood doors that come to the floor. Public bathrooms in real life to me hover between absolutely disgusting and kind of gross. Maybe it’s the germophobe in me, after all, I am someone who will avoid the bathroom for an entire day when I’m outside of the house for fear that some germ is about to jump out of the toilet and kill me. Whatever the reason though, sex by the urinal doesn’t sound remotely appealing.
3. Sex on a Plane Not only are there the public bathroom considerations (see number 2) but am I the only person that can barely fit my own body into an airplane bathroom? Being inside of one always makes me feel like I’m trapped in a mini-fridge. No space plus germs plus another person plus turbulence= No mile high club for me.
4. Lingerie Now I will say that there is nothing wrong with lingerie in theory. It just never quite works how it does in movies. In the movies, at some point the woman says   “let me slip into something more comfortable” and comes back in lingerie. In real life that seems like a very awkward extra step. Let me stop whatever happens to be going on, go completely change clothes and come back in lingerie  just to take it off again, as if lingerie is somehow more comfortable than naked.
5. Sex all night All night? Like all night all night? Why? Not to say that marathon sessions don’t have their place, but it can be just as good between minutes 15 and 45 of an episode of Law and Order SVU. That way you can get the back story, see the suspects, have a great time and then tune back in just in time to see the police realize that the true culprit is the random person they interviewed in minute five.

What are your favorite “made-for-Hollywood” sex clichés?

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.