When I first married my husband, I remember there being a slight struggle for me within. At times I felt as though I was going to lose myself. I now had someone who I needed to check in with, someone whose feelings I had to take into consideration with every decision I made. This was uncharted territory for me as an adult. A few personal sacrifices were going to have to be made if my marriage had any chance of surviving.
In the beginning, it felt uncomfortable. I sometimes questioned why this was necessary for marriage. Why do we have to give up what feels natural and do something different? Then I realized I chose marriage. If this man and this relationship were important to me, what came next was crystal clear.
Every day, in our marriage, we make choices. Some are minor and won’t have as big of an impact on our future. Others are significant and have more power than we realize on the health of the relationship. We have this saying in my work, “to be aware is to be alive”. It means there is power in recognizing everything around you and acting or reacting accordingly. This concept applies perfectly to marriages.
Being aware of our spouses wants, needs and desires and acting accordingly is the real secret to marriage success. To do this requires sacrifice.
Sacrifice is defined as the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim; the thing so surrendered or devoted.
We consider our feelings, wants and needs as important and prized (as listed in the definition above). Whenever we have to make adjustments or surrender our needs for the sake of our spouse, there is usually an internal battle.
Sacrifice doesn’t always come naturally for most individuals. It requires work and sometimes makes us feel uncomfortable. If we are denying selfish desires and behaviors, we should absolutely experience a few growing pains. If we are showing up in our marriage, as we should, there should be several moments of discomfort.
- When we select our words carefully as we disagree with our spouse, that’s sacrifice.
- When we consider our spouse’s feelings in our decision making, that’s sacrifice.
- When we tailor our behavior in order to have a positive impact on our relationship, that’s sacrifice.
The opportunity to sacrifice appears in a variety of ways. If we’re not willing to make any, ever, our marriage is in serious trouble. Marriage is a lifelong commitment with specific individual requirements. Saying “I do” is a promise to make an effort in meeting those requirements.
Making sacrifices won’t always feel uncomfortable. It eventually becomes easier. There will come a time in every marriage, where the other partner becomes the priority and it comes without thinking or second guessing.
BMWK, what sacrifices have you made for your marriage?