It really bothers me when my husband and I are at odds. Although it’s normal to disagree with a spouse, that encounter is typically not a pleasant one. It can leave an individual feeling stressed, frustrated and simply angry. Now imagine those same emotions surfacing while in the company of others.
It was especially challenging for me when my husband and I were among friends and unable to see eye to eye. I remember wanting to mask it and pretend we were all good, when inside we both were pissed. It felt fake, and showed up as fake. Who was I trying to impress by pretending we were the perfect couple. I still have yet to meet the perfect couple. Whenever we found ourselves clashing in a public setting, we would avoid having direct conversation with one another until we could get back home to finish up what we started. Yup, we would shut down, talk to everyone else around us and make it obvious to the other partner we weren’t speaking. Which I am sure raised questions for those around us. Thankfully that behavior was quite some time ago.
I am proud to say, we have matured and now handle our differences a lot better. Just recently, as we celebrated with friends, we privately disagreed about something petty. And what usually would have resulted in hours of nonverbal communication with each other, lasted for about a minute and ended with our moving on to enjoy that time with friends. I was so proud of us.
We were able to disagree in public, squash it and have some fun.
Some might think it’s inappropriate to have any type of controversy in a public place, but we have to be realistic about life, love and people. We are going to get pissed, respond and react. We’re either going to take a negative action or one that leads to positive results. Disagreements are a normal part of life and can be necessary sometimes as we continue to learn our spouses and grow in love. If they occur in the midst friends and family, don’t fret. There are healthy ways to disagree, in public and behind closed doors. We have to remain open and honest and be ready to forgive, forget and move on.
Couples should know it’s acceptable to disagree in public only if we…….
Aren’t by any means being disrespectful. There is no room for belittling, cursing out or fronting our partners off, ever. Adults should behave like adults and people who are in love should behave like those who are in love.
Don’t make others take sides. This is our situation and whether others agree with us or not, we should be rational and willing to listen to our partner’s point of view. We also don’t want to damper the evening of others by dragging them into our situation.
Don’t make a scene or ruin the event. Whatever we are celebrating with friends or family should in no way become about us because we disagree. Shouting matches don’t belong out in public nor do they belong in a relationship between two committed partners.
The healthiest of marriages experience moments of discord. We can set amazing examples for the couples around us when we show we are able to disagree and resolve our issues in a healthy manner.
BMWK – is it ever appropriate to disagree in public with your spouse?