I have heard the average marriage lasts less than four years. So when you are still married, still married with kids, and still happily married with kids after eleven years, then you have learned some things about yourself and your wife. You don’t have it all figured out, but you know a little more about what works and what doesn’t work in your marriage.
As mentioned above, many marriages do not last like “they used to.” I am no marriage historian, however I now know, in my eleven years of marriage, what I need in order to be all my wife needs. I need someone else in my life, and this person needs to be #1, even ahead of my wife.
My #1 Loves Me Unconditionally, My Wife Doesn’t
One of the things which attracts me to my #1, is that I am loved unconditionally. I mess up all the time. All the time! Sometimes I even do stuff that I know is wrong. But it doesn’t matter, I am still loved.
My wife is amazing, and very forgiving, but I am sure she would admit she doesn’t always love me unconditionally. Sometimes the level of love and respect is contingent upon what I have or have not done.
Our “Open Marriage” Works Great
I have to admit the more time I spend with my #1, the more refreshed I am with my wife. And she can tell the difference. She now knows that this time is very important to our marriage, and is good with it. The beauty of it, is they know each other, and we all three spend time together.
We do not spend as much time as we all would like to, but the moments we do are amazing. I have to admit some of our best moments together, even in making love, are the times all three of us have spent significant, quality time together.
Learning to Love and Share This Love
The unconditional love I receive from my #1, has taught me how to love. When someone loves you in that way, you cannot help but to share it. I know I do not do it perfectly, but I am able to love my wife in a way I never thought possible because of this.
Just like me, she makes mistakes. She does and says things to me that I do not like. However, I can still love her in spite of it. After all, someone else has done this very thing for me.
No Greater Love, Than Agape Love
Agape love is that perfect love, that unconditional love that is spoken of above. The love that is patient and kind. Love that is not jealous, boastful, or proud. Love that is not self-seeking, not easily angered, and does not keep track of your mistakes. A love that gets joy and excitement from the truth. The kind of love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, perseveres and never fails.
That is the kind of love that God has for me. Yes, God is my #1 relationship, the #1 love in my life. When I prioritize my life, and make spending time with and knowing God the most important, I learn how to relate better to my wife. I learn to love her, when she is unlovable. I learn to love her when I just do not feel like it. I learn to love her unconditionally as best I can.
Who is your #1, and #2?
“Putting God first” has almost become cliche’. I thought God was my #1. But when I asked myself a few questions, I found I was mistaken. Honestly, my wife wasn’t even my #1 sometimes. Sometimes it was my kids. Many times it was my business and my work, and a whole lot of times it was me. Ask yourself the questions I asked myself.
- What do you think about?
- How do you use your money?
- What do you do with your time?
A Fourth Question
You may be unpleasantly surprised with your answers to those questions, or you may know that your answers should be different. Now, you have the opportunity to look at your priorities. As I said above, my #1 is Jesus, my #2 is my wife, my #3 is my kids. Everything else follows. The best way to check myself is to be honest in answering those questions. If I don’t like the answers, my next question needs to be:
What are you going to do now?
BMWK: Have you (really) put God first in your marriage? I encourage you to do so, and watch what happens!