A woman meets a man and she finds herself intrigued. They get to know each other and this man is simply everything she could hope for. Great guy, good-looking, and she recognizes a connection exists. She finds herself developing feelings for this man and wanting to be in his presence. She then begins to feel nervous and uncomfortable. How can this man be so great? She thinks this is simply too good to be true. These feelings make her feel like she isn’t in control, and she starts to feel vulnerable. So many people have hurt her in the past, that it is difficult to believe this man is truly any different. These up and down emotions of wanting him and fearing him are too much. She runs from this situation, she just can’t bare it.
Another woman has been with a man for a while now. She finds herself feeling blah, unhappy or at best “ok”. The man just doesn’t fulfill her in the way she needs but with the time invested she doesn’t feel she can walk away. She has witnessed others with men much worse than this, so she figures she should be happy with what she has. She feels maybe she doesn’t even deserve better because her view of herself is not where it needs to be. She has been hurt before and though this situation really isn’t the best fit, it is a safe choice. She is complacent, and is just taking it one day at time.
Move Past the Pain
Did you notice what these two women have in common? Both have never truly moved past the pain and disappointment they have experienced or witnessed in their lives. Whether they both fully recognize it, their past is having a huge negative impact on their present and their future. How does this happen? It happens because neither of the two took the time to begin and finish the process of healing.
Too many times I see women move from relationship to relationship because they don’t want to be alone. Some look to casual sex as a way to avoid a deep emotional investment because their heart simply can’t take it and doesn’t want to deal with it. Others go hide in their corner hoping nobody bothers them and at the same time swearing off relationships. Some will desire a relationship but not realize that the walls they put up to protect them, are simply blocking the blessings they deserve and desire. There are many different ways women choose to handle this issue but they will never move in the right direction if healing isn’t the process they partake.
Read more on forgiveness & letting go…
You can’t find the love you need when you are not truly open to receive it. When you haven’t finished properly healing and addressing the real issues at hand, you allow for your heart to become guarded or to just shut down altogether. Even if you are in a relationship with a good guy, you can easily and unknowingly sabotage a good thing because your past continues to haunt you. In order to move in the right direction and begin the healing process you must begin with the most important step, forgiveness. Yes, you must forgive those that have brought you pain and disappointment.
This does not mean you deem their actions ok and acceptable. It just means you will no longer hold on to any negative emotions that stem from it. We all have to understand that nobody is perfect. Whether we realize it or not we have all hurt someone. What that person did to you wasn’t about you, it was about their personal issues that they didn’t properly address and then took it out on you. It wasn’t a reflection of you, but it was a reflection of them.
Hurt People Hurt People
To many let the injustices that occur in their lives cause them to look down on themselves, and deem themselves not good enough or deserving of better. Those people didn’t hurt you because you were inadequate in any way; they did it because they felt inadequate and wanted to take it out on somebody. Chances are they felt that way because someone did them wrong as well, they lacked healing and so the cycle continued. Let go of that pain and let us pray they get the help they need. The longer you hold on to the pain, the longer you allow it to damage you and you deserve better than that.
I know it can be hard to forget what has happened, but it is time to let go of what has happened. Without healing you will not be able to reach your full potential. Some people have it all (at least that is how others perceive them) and yet find themselves still struggling with their past because they have yet to start the healing. Lack of healing is an issue that so many of us face, and unless you are prepared to recognize an obstacle for what it is, you won’t be able to properly move past it.
The process can be painful and very difficult, but when you are able to get through it you will emerge a better, happier, more loving individual. You will be able to receive the love that you deserve and have the strength to walk away from the relationship that really isn’t for you. Healing is a beautiful thing, so let us all grab hold of it and enjoy the blessings that have been waiting for us all along.
Side Note: I originally wrote this article on healing for a woman’s magazine which is why it is geared toward women. If you are a man reading this, the same rules apply to you. I will still write an additional articles that speaks directly to the men. In the meantime take heed to what this current article is saying.
BMWK, Can you allow yourself to let go of the past for an amazing future?