Shhhhhh…. fellas don’t tell the ladies that I shared this with you but I’m letting the secret out. One privilege I have as a relationship coach is that I get to hear the most common issues that many ladies have with their men.
Before you get all defensive and think this is going to be a bash the man session hear me out. I spend a lot of my time trying to help women understand US better so that they can meet us where we are, and I’ve found many times the issues they have with us aren’t really major issues at all, but disconnects.
I took some time and narrowed the list down to the top 5 things that women complain the most about when it comes to their men. Now my point here is not to dog the men out but to put you on notice so that you can become more conscious of these things.
I know for me, hearing these things made me have to check myself in my own marriage and it’s helped me be more conscious as well. Check out the top 5!
1) “He isn’t affectionate enough”
Okay, fellas. I know sometimes we show affection in different ways than our women do and sometimes as we get comfortable in a relationship we aren’t as on top of the little things anymore. But, you have to get reengaged for the sake of your woman.
She still needs you to kiss her, touch her, and embrace her. She still needs compliments, deep conversations, and yes, NON physical intimacy so that she feels connected. Every interaction doesn’t have to lead to sex; sometimes she just wants to enjoy the intimacy.
Your woman still wants to know that you want and desire her just like you did in the beginning. Make sure you are conscious about doing these little things because if not you will look up and months will have passed without them and that opens up a bigger set of problems!
2) “He’s boring”
Fellas, I know you work hard and nothing feels more peaceful than chillin’ at the house with a cold beer and just watching some sports or doing a few things around the house. I know because this describes my ideal Saturday; but sometimes, your woman wants you to get up off your butt and DATE her again.
She wants you to stop being so predictable and add some spontaneity into your routine. She wants you to wear something different, say something different, take her somewhere different, and not all of the time, but definitely some of the time.
Oh, and this includes in the bedroom too! Sometimes she wants to get out of the routine and she wants the BEAST to come back out of you so give her what she’s asking for!
3) “He doesn’t communicate enough”
Many men struggle with this (including me) because how we communicate tends to be different from how women communicate. Nevertheless, sometimes she really does need you to open up your mouth and talk to her.
She also then needs you to open up your ears and heart and listen to her. She wants to feel heard and that means sometimes just listening while she talks…not even offering up solutions if she has problems but just listening to her as she explains them.
Don’t be so engaged with other priorities that you don’t talk with and listen to your woman. I know you might be about solutions and action but sometimes you have to step back and think about her needs as well.
4) “He doesn’t help me”
Men, your wife is not your mother and she married you to be her partner not her child who is helpless. Sometimes we get comfortable not helping our wives do enough with the kids or around the house and things still get done; but she may be more overwhelmed than you think.
You don’t have to get in arguments about it; just simply ask her how you can help and then DO the things she asks you to do. You can also pre-emptively figure some of these things out (for example if you see the bathroom is dirty…clean it!). You can’t be the king of your castle without major responsibilities related to that castle and the people in it.
5) “He’s a mama’s boy”
When she became your wife she became your number one priority. Number one means before anyone else, and this includes your mother. Don’t allow your mother to run your marriage and don’t make your woman feel that your mother’s needs comes before hers. Don’t allow your mother to disrespect your wife and please don’t expect your wife to be like your mother. Enough said!
Okay fellas I hope you didn’t take this piece the wrong way and I hope it might hold up a small mirror to some things you might be able to work on in order to help improve your relationship.
I can tell you that once I became conscious of these things, it affected my actions and behaviors and helped improve my marriage. Oh, and ladies don’t worry….your blog post is next because YES, the men come and tell me all about y’all as well!
BMWK Men, what do you think about these complaints? Women, how did I do expressing your concerns?