by Ronnie Tyler
It’s just after labor day which means school has already started for most of the kids in this country. Therefore, we want to give you a friendly BMWK reminder to make sure that you are PRESENT when it comes to your kids.
You might say, I am home every evening so of course I am present….but this is not necessarily true. If you come home every day and preoccupy yourself with things other than your kids, then you may not be fully present. If you are busy doing things like catching up on office work, getting your Facebook fix, talking on the phone, watching TV, or sleeping, then perhaps you are not present for your kids……you are probably not giving them your full attention.
When I am at work all day, I am multitasking. My day is filled with conference call after conference call. And while I am on the calls, I am catching up on emails, or preparing for the next call, or summarizing the last call, or responding to one of many instant messages that are popping up on my screen from my colleagues. I hardly ever get to give any one task my full attention.
It’s no surprise that when I get off of work, I am finding it difficult to slow down. My mind is still racing….I am thinking about work that was not completed, or what’s on the menu for dinner, or a conversation that I had earlier. It’s very hard for me to transition into giving the kids my full attention.
However, I know that one of the greatest gifts that I can give my kids is my attention. So I have been working very hard to ensure that I am present for them. And here are a few things that I am doing to ensure that I am present:
- Be in the moment and focus on now. When you are with your kids, focus on them and what you are doing with them. Don’t think about work or the argument that you had with your sister/mother/friend or spouse earlier.
- Block out time for the kids and protect this time slot with your life!!! Let it be known to your friends and relatives that you are not going to spend this time talking to them on the phone: ” Sorry girl…I gotta go….my kids need me right now. But we can talk after 10 pm if you want.” Set boundaries for your boss and co-workers so that they know that your first priority in the evening is your family….late meetings should be the exception not the norm.
- Establish routines, as they help to provide security. Your kids will feel safe and secure when their home is a stable environment for them. At our home, we have established homework, dinnertime, and bedtime routines. We eat dinner together almost every night. It only takes about 30 minutes, but I am hoping that our interaction will create memories that will last a lifetime. Our kids don’t like when we say it’s bedtime…but I know for a fact that they enjoy their bath-time and bedtime routine. They love the bubble baths, they love the way we massage them as we lotion their backs and legs, they love the 1000 kisses they get before we finally say no more kisses, no more hugs..go to sleep.
Author Len Stauffenger provides the following list of things to consider to ensure that your children receive your full attention and presence:
1. Decide here and now that you will give them your full attention.
2. Decide here and now that whenever they speak to you, you will stop whatever you are doing and give them your attention.
3. Set up boundaries for them around tasks where you need your full attention and they cannot interrupt you; e.g. important phone calls.
4. Decide here and now that even if you are in to watching a program on TV, reading a book, talking with a friend, unless you have asked not to be interrupted, you will set aside your own wishes and give them your attention.
5. Decide here and now that your children won’t have to repeat themselves unnecessarily to get your attention. You will give it freely because you are aware they are speaking to you.
BMWK Family – I love Len’s list and #5 especially struck a cord with me. Please share with us how you ensure that you are present for your kids. Also, how do you find the strength to take on all of the responsibilities of parenthood?