by Karla Moore,
It’s something of a meme these days within the African American community about the degreed, career successful black woman! At the same time, a less positive aspect of that stereotype is that those same women are frequently alone or desperately searching for an appropriate mate. It certainly doesn’t have to be that way.
Most of us are very thoughtful and intentional about our education and careers. Obviously, our professional lives are critically important and we work hard and smart in that area.
But what about our love life? Isn’t that (at least) as important to our long-term health and happiness? If it’s just as important, then shouldn’t we be just as purposeful in managing our romantic activities as our professional ones? Many of us have made great strides in our careers but are caught in a quagmire around love – and then wonder why.
For many, it can be something of a “Eureka” moment when this point becomes clear. That the sooner we take full responsibility for our love life – and leave behind a passive, almost fatalistic perspective on marriage – the quicker we can take meaningful steps to creating the kind of romantic and family life that we aspire to. Your prince charming may, in fact, be on a white horse. If you’re in your late-30’s and beyond though, you just may have to do more than you originally thought to lasso him in. 🙂
The first step to creating positive change in your love life is an introspective one. It requires taking inventory of some of the thought and behavior patterns that you’ve developed over the years. Then, assess what is working for you and what isn’t. First and foremost, maybe your level of self love is not where it should be. Or perhaps your list of “must haves” in a mate is too long. Maybe there are some latent fears of commitment getting in the way. Maybe you are unintentionally doing things to push potential partners away. As well, it’s hard for black women to not fall prey to the media driven fallacy that tells you there are no good black men.
Second, you’ve got to put yourself in a position to meet appropriate potential partners. You’d be shocked at how many women say they are serious about finding a mate yet do little to nothing to meet them. This day and age, you’ve got to embrace both traditional, in person, opportunities to meet people: at church, work, in professional organizations, through friends, etc. As well, to cast the widest possible net, you’ve got to thoughtfully leverage online dating sites to your benefit. Although sometimes tricky, these sites can be wonderful tools to bring potential partners to you.
Most of us dream about being in loving, committed, passionate relationships and (eventually) having strong, dynamic families. While, these days, getting there can frequently be circuitous, taking a strategic and thoughtful approach can definitely help make it happen. I certainly had to take a different approach.
BMWK – would you consider online dating?
Karla Moore is a professional dating coach & matchmaker and knows first hand that navigating love in the 21st century can be complicated. After a professional career with the National Geographic Magazine in D.C. she created NineGPS, a dating service company with the sole purpose of helping singles date in a more strategic and thoughtful manner. Her events and content have been seen on CNN & Ebony. She lives in Atlanta with her loving husband Michael, four sons and their yellow lab Nala. You can find her on Twitter @NineGPS.