There are a lot of singles out there who are looking for ways to have better relationships and take charge of their dating lives. The key takeaway here is not about finding the perfect mate; the pathway to finding the right person is learning how to date properly. Let’s start with three important components for enhanced dating techniques.
Qualify
The word qualify automatically brings thoughts to our minds of a list of specifications that we need in a mate. Height, athletic build, six-figure income, hourglass figure, these are all things that come to mind in a normal list of qualities men and women look for in their partners. That’s not what we are looking for here. We are looking for qualities within our mates which align to our needs and values. For example, there is a show on TV where there is a Christian woman who is married to a Muslim man. This couple is often having these debates about if their child can go to the family’s house who is Christian for the holidays. Their beliefs are so different that it creates arguments and disagreements the viewer can see coming a mile away. Expect to have these challenges when you date people who do not share your values and beliefs.
If your values and beliefs do not mesh, you are walking into land mines. Unity within this relationship will be a constant challenge. Let’s look at other examples. What if you are a vegetarian and your significant other is a meat eater. I’m not going to say there can’t be some measure of compromise here, but you’re treading on shaky ground. What restaurant do you choose? Does one person or the other have to constantly sacrifice what they would like to eat to avoid an argument? Would you raise your children to be vegetarians or carnivores?
We are unique beings, therefore we will have differences and we must be able to work through them. You have to qualify things in your personal set of beliefs and values which you need in a mate to work with what you bring to the table. There are some traits that are inherent to you. You will want to find someone who compliments those traits, not counteracts them.
Chemistry
Dictionary.com defines Chemistry as the interaction of one personality with another. Most people would agree with me that chemistry between two people is important. My assessment with the many people I have talked to is chemistry is an indication of who your potential candidate is. In my book, I talk about people “being a representative of who they think the other person will be attracted to” early in their relationships. It’s easy to have chemistry with the representative, as the representative of this person is trying to impress you. Once you take some time to know someone and possibly you go through an adverse situation together, that’s when it is time to assess your chemistry. Ladies, is this still the same guy who made you laugh and opened doors for you six months ago? Or now is he comfortable that he’s “got you” and you can see that he’s not who you thought he was. Gentlemen, the same holds true for us. There are many women who are attractive in many ways, but once you get to know them, they may not relate to you like they once did. The takeaway here is if it’s not working for you once you get to know someone and you can’t work through the challenge, that’s the time to move on with your life. Don’t stay because you are comfortable and allow it to lead to bad relationships or worse, bad marriages. Asses your relationships after you are over being “goo-goo” eyed at him or her and then decide how to proceed. Let wisdom (not your heart) guide you and remember the heart has good intentions, but is also deceitful.
Growth
Do you see a future together? You may hear people ask this question, but what it really means is can you see yourself growing with this other person. For example, my significant other and I are both entrepreneurs. We bounce ideas off of each other constantly. There are things she can see for my business that I can’t see and vice versa. Each of us likes to travel and we do so when we can. These are examples of growing together. Our relationship is not stagnant. I’m sure there will be rough spots and adversity, but we always plan to be moving forward. When we talk, it’s cool to reminisce on where we were a year ago, but it’s more rewarding for us to think about and work toward where we will be a year from now. A relationship is a living organism and you must cultivate it and maintain it for it to grow. If you can see growth together, then you can see a future together.
If you can qualify, see chemistry as the relationship continues to progress and visualize growing together; you greatly increase your chances for a long-term, fulfilling, successful relationship.
BMWK – what criteria would you use for finding the right person for you?