“I married you, not your family!” WELP!….I can already hear the number of people who will be preaching this gospel after the holidays are over this year. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, suddenly… ‘supposedly’ loving families and in-laws have chaotic disputes about who is having dinner where, who gets to cook the macaroni and cheese and what the newest family gossip is. What’s supposed to be about family and love can quickly turn into WWIII if you aren’t careful. Well the truth is that maybe you did marry him or her, but you also married the relationship they have with their family. And now it’s time to deal with it! Follow me on these 3 steps to dealing with your family or in-laws over the holidays.
RULE 1: STOP TELLING ALL OF YOUR BUSINESS!
The best thing you can do to make things better when dealing with family is to stop telling them all of you and your mates’ business. It amazes me how people will call their mom, dad, sisters, brothers, half-sister, and play cousins third removed to tell them how bad their mate is when they are having disagreements. If you scream about how bad your mate is to everyone that will listen then you are already setting the stage for your family to dislike him or her and treat him or her badly when everyone is together. You see, your family sees when you fight, they don’t necessarily get to see when you make up and that’s YOUR FAULT! Try telling your family something good about your mate for a change; if not he or she will get major side eyes as they pass the stuffing.
RULE 2: IT DOESN’T COST ANYTHING TO BE NICE
I get it…. your mother-in-law makes your blood boil, your sister-in-law makes you itch and her smart mouth kids make you want to catch a case. However, the truth is that you can’t control them or their behavior, but you can control yours. Being nice and without attitude will automatically help you to have a better time because you won’t feel defensive. Being nice will limit potential confrontation because you will be less likely to entertain the negativity. If they try to bait you into it, then politely walk away, change the subject, or agree to disagree. The beauty about being adults is that we can choose our attitudes. You can’t play victim if you are a willing participant. It’s not about being fake… it’s simply about being nice and keeping the peace-even if not for them..then for YOU. The holiday season can be stressful enough without this kind of drama so do yourself a favor and steer clear of it.
3) REMEMBER WHO YOU HAVE TO GO HOME WITH!
You and your mate went from individuals to a union when you got married and you must act as such even with your family. Fellas, your first responsibility is to protect your wife even if that means you are protecting her from your mother or other family members (Three Surprising People Men Have to Protect Their Wives From). Ladies you should have your man’s back when your father is giving him a hard time or your mother is berating him. Allowing your family to disrespect your spouse is an act of cowardice on your end. Oh and believe me, not saying anything or trying to remain neutral is also a cop-out. Sometimes you have to choose sides and it should be clear to your family that the side you choose is that of your mate (unless he or she is blatantly being ridiculous). You might think it’s funny to get in on the jokes or the shady comments, but I guarantee you your mate won’t appreciate it. Don’t let playing the fence cause your mate to feel like you don’t have their back. Besides, that couch will be real lonely and cold at night when you get back home.
Folks the truth is that your mate’s family isn’t going anywhere and when you married them you DID marry their family as well. There is no need for every family gathering to turn chaotic and awkward. They say you can choose your friends, but not your family…. well that’s not always true because guess what…you CHOSE that family and you must live with it. When in doubt, just go over to that one drunken uncle with the flask and take a swig of whatever is in it….that should HELP!
BMWK Fam – what tips do you have for better handling your in-laws around the holidays?