Relationships are always changing and growing as each person grows and shifts into their purpose. Staying connected with rituals is worth investing in to maintain healthy relationships. Without rituals it is easy to feel distant or separate from our partner. Here are few rituals that have helped my clients reconnect and spice up their relationships.
1. List the Good – Each evening list three good things that your partner has done that day to make your life sweeter. By doing this daily you will build up positive regard toward each other and will be less likely to fight over small issues. According to Gottman, a renowned couples therapist, couples who are fond of their lover tend to overlook small issues and don’t harbour resentment over them. This ritual will help you to remember the good things in your relationship on a day-to-day basis.
2. Monthly Rendezvous – Dates can get boring so spice them up with a planned simple or elaborate weekend meetings. You may meet at a hotel, spa or lock yourselves up in your bedroom. Whatever the plan for the date make sure to take turns surprising each other. Keeping the whereabouts and details of the evening a secret will add to the excitement of the rendezvous. Sparks are bound to fly. Remember to keep this one rule in mind at all times: No talking about the kids, bills, or past disagreements.
3. Touchy Feely Please – Partners who exchange regular touches, rubs and hugs tend to be happier. Many couples stop touching outside of the bedroom after the dating phase wears off. Making regular touching a routine will definitely help strengthen the relationship. Schedule regular touching sessions initially until it becomes natural again, (exp. kissing in the morning, and massage each other while watching television, give back rubs before bed.) 8-10 loving touches a day will keep the divorce lawyer away.
4. Use Loving Language– I love it when I hear couples speak their pet names to each other. Beautiful, Handsome, Lover, Honey and Cuddle bunny are just a few I have heard over the years. We affirm each other with our words. When we speak sweetly to our spouses we reinforce good feelings and intimacy in our relationship. So go ahead beautiful – turn on the love language.
Gottman states that relationships that have more positive in them then negative do better over time. So with research on your side start planning your couple’s ritual now.
BMWK: What rituals do you currently maintain in your marriage? What can you do differently to start a new couple ritual?