If it’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few years, it’s that if you’re too comfortable, you’re not growing. Well the same holds true for your marriage. What are you doing to grow in your marriage? Are you doing the same things you did when you first got married or are you looking for opportunities to reach a new level of love, intimacy, trust and companionship?
A lot of times we say our marriage is a priority but then our actions speak otherwise. We allow date nights to turn into an afterthought. We allow our children to take over the space in our beds. And we allow work, friends or family to take up time that we could (and should) be devoting to our spouses.
I’ve been guilty of all of these and I’m sure I’m not alone. Being married going on nine years, it’s easy to get comfortable (sometimes even a little too comfortable) because it’s easy. It feels good because you know what to expect and vice versa. But what I realized was that conversations were starting to become predictable. And we weren’t doing anything intentionally to grow in our marriage. One of the things I love about this site is that it opens up a variety of topics and discussion opportunities for my spouse and I.
But this year, we’re committed to going past just reading articles. We’re committed to leaning in to our marriage and being interactive in the process (starting with the BMWK marriage cruise). I’m ready for a new marriage and here is why:
1. I don’t want a “right now” marriage, I want a “lifetime” marriage.
My marriage is everything to me. I can’t imagine life without my husband and the joy that he brings to my life. And while it’s easy to simply focus on the “right now”, sometimes, we have to begin with the end in mind, understanding that this is a lifetime commitment. I have to constantly ask myself, what am I doing to prepare for a lifetime of marriage?
2. I want to strive to continue to conquer conflict, and difficult issues that arise in marriage.
Most of the time, we deal with issues the only way we know how: the way we were taught. If we weren’t taught to speak our mind or to talk about the things that bother you, then it’s hard to put that important habit into practice. The thing about it is, you can’t avoid conflict in marriage, but you can avoid the pain and resentment that can result in conflict. I’ve learned that the more I work on improving my communication with my spouse, the less conflict or disagreements we have.
3. I want to set a solid foundational example of marriage for our children
Our children learn not by what is said, but by what is seen. I had trouble expressing myself in my adult years and even early on in marriage because it’s not something I was allowed to do or taught to do growing up. We make sure our kids see us interact in a loving way, that they hear us having healthy conversations, and that they grow up wanting a healthy and happy marriage for themselves.
4. I don’t just want a good marriage, I want a great marriage.
I want a reNEWed marriage. I want a marriage where we intentionally seek out the tools, resources and opportunities to grow in our marriage. I want a marriage where we surround ourselves with other married couples who want the same for their marriage, who will encourage and uplift each other when needed. A marriage can only be as great as you intend it to be. A marriage can only be made new when you take the time to pour into it what you want to get out of it.
BMWK: What are some other reasons you might be ready for a new marriage?