By Phil Stevens,
A few weeks ago we shared part one of ‘Flattered’ by Marriage Pressure Points and we left you hanging, intentionally. A young wife/mother had seemingly made a decision to have lunch with a steamy old flame. We left you with a scene of her watching her very angry husband pace back and forth. What would you have done in her shoes?
Checkout the full version of Flattered below and see how an innocent reconnection with an old flame can easily railroad your marriage.
Can you relate to any of the characters in this film? Have you been swept away by an old flame? Or have you reconnected with an old flame on Facebook to catch up, relive the nostalgia you once had? Or worse, are you dealing with the consequences of that reunion impacting your marriage?
Here are 4 things you seriously NEED to consider when dealing with “old flames”:
1. You TWO are ONE
Include your spouse in everything. The young wife in this film never mentioned her husband at all. She was immediately flattered by her old flame and made the entire conversation about the two of them. Make it a point to everyone to bring your spouse into the conversation in a positive light. Especially when it’s the opposite sex. Brad, the steamy old flame even opened up the floor to talk about her husband, saying that he was a “Lucky guy.” Her response should have been, “Thank-you”, but yet she wanted more flattery.
2. Your Children are Watching
Nate, Tara’s husband became furious when he found out that Tara brought their daughter to lunch. You should make it a point to only have eyes for your spouse, especially in front of your children. My father never said a word about another woman being attractive that I can remember. Ever! I want to be like that. I want my children to think back and remember that I only had eyes for my spouse.
3. Talk to Your Spouse
Tara’s biggest mistake, other than accepting lunch alone with this old flame, was NOT telling her spouse she ran into him. Transparency is key to setting realistic expectations for each other. Marriage is better served when both of you stay connected and aligned with the other. Even if it means talking about difficult things. Sure, Nate would have still been hurt that Tara was considering lunch with this man, but he would have been less hurt and betrayed had he been given the opportunity to talk through it and repair the minor damage. Don’t force your spouse to deal with the fallout. Talk through expectations before you make decisions that will impact your marriage. You will save your relationship a ton of heartache.
4. Make it a Safe Place for Your Spouse to Share
Nate wanted an explanation on why she accepted the lunch date. Tara was afraid to hurt Nate’s feelings again. She wanted to fix things and feel love in the air again, but she couldn’t imagine breaking through to him. It wasn’t until he made it safe for her to share – did she open up. His actions (putting his keys in his pocket and holding her hands) and his words, “I want you to explain to me what you were thinking and feeling when you decided to have lunch with this guy. I’ll calm down. I promise.”
Nate made it safe for her to share without things getting worse. Ultimately this will lead to reconciliation if grace and understanding is applied throughout the process.
- Make it safe. Make it the safest place on earth for your spouse to talk to you. Or they won’t.
- Apply grace generously. Show kindness for your spouse’s mistakes when you don’t want to. This will most likely be reciprocated later when you mess up.
- Listen and Attempt to Understand their Point of View. Remove your agendas from the equation and listen attentively with the intent of understanding your spouse. Your chance to be heard will come.
- Pave the Way Toward Reconciliation. Start the process of forgiving and letting it go. The pain won’t go away, but the burden is lighter and you two will move closer to a healthy state again.
BMWK – We hope you enjoyed Marriage Pressure Points’ latest film. We’d like to thank Phil Stevens and team for sharing and providing this honest content that we can relate to and that challenges us in our marriage.
Marriage Pressure Points, is a ministry that has a heart for broken marriages, and is giving hope to restore these marriages.The ministry is made possible by the support of those who have a similar heart and hope for the restoration of these marriages. You can help and view more videos by subscribing to their YouTube channel.