People always say that marriage is hard work, and it is, but what makes it harder is when couples avoid having difficult conversations. The reason for avoidance can vary. Anything, from discomfort to fear to a simple oversight, can lead a couple to miss out on a discussion that could very well make all the difference in the type of marriage they have.
When couples avoid important conversations, those issues inevitably come up at some point. Sure, maybe you can go a few months, or even a few years, without a problem, but one day you will experience this awkward moment when you realize that you would have been better off if the discussion took place earlier on.
The good news is, even if you have been delaying it, you can always make the decision to have that tough conversation with your spouse. If you have some concerns about the potential direction the conversation may take, consider having it in front of a third party like a counselor or a therapist. It may be just what you both need to express your concerns, talk through things, and finally have a discussion that is long overdue.
The status of your health. When you get married, you make a vow to be there for each other until you are parted by death. With that said, you should be doing whatever you can to avoid an early end to your life, and you should also have conversations with your spouse about any health issues or concerns that you may have. Keeping secrets about the status of your health is unfair to your spouse, and it damages the trust in your marriage.
Where you want to be in 5 years. It may seem cliché, but you really need to discuss your goals and dreams with your spouse. You might be thinking that in five years you will be in a new house, in a new town, while your spouse may be perfectly content with where you are. To avoid feelings of disappointment, confusion and resent, have discussions about what each of you thinks the future holds.
Possible illness or death. Discussions about life insurance, power of attorney, or a living will are not always comfortable or happy discussions, but they need to happen. Don’t wait until something tragic happens, leaving you feeling lost and angry. Make plans now because life is unpredictable, and you both want to be prepared.
Unresolved Anger. Anger is like a form of cancer that just festers and grows, slowly taking over your life if you don’t treat it. If you have an issue with your spouse that angers you and has never been addressed, it’s time to talk about it. Bringing a professional third party into the conversation might help.
How you want your children raised. Raising children is the biggest responsibility anyone can ever have. When two people decide to raise children together, a discussion needs to happen about how those kids should be raised. God forbid, something might happen, leaving one person to parent alone. If that should occur, a thorough conversation ensures that the children will still be raised in a manner that is consistent with what both parents hoped for.
BMWK Family, what are some conversations you think all married couples need to have?