No one likes conflict. No one. Some people go out of their way to avoid it as much as possible. If you're a conflict avoider by nature, it makes it difficult to get your needs met no matter where you are. When you fail to communicate what's bothering you, your relationships, whether at work or at home, definitely suffer. But, if this behavior takes root in your marriage, it … [Read more...]
7 Tips for Finding Peace of Mind in Your Life and Your Marriage
Give anyone a choice between chaos and peace, and they will undoubtedly choose peace. Peace of mind is what we all strive for. No matter who you are, or what you do, no one wants to feel overwhelmed, stressed out or weighed down by the day-to-day burdens of life. We want freedom, joy, and the peace that comes with it. When we are unable to find inner peace, it carries over … [Read more...]
5 Easy Tips for Talking About What’s Bothering You In Your Relationship
Quite a few of the conversations and comments that surface as a result of the articles posted here on BMWK typically focus on something a spouse is or isn't doing. This, of course, always leaves one spouse feeling frustrated and challenged on how to not only discuss it but also repair it. A number of couples struggle with knowing how to properly discuss the trials that arise in … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Win Every Disagreement in Your Marriage
When you have a disagreement in your marriage, you should have one goal and one goal only, to win! Yes, after the dust settles you should be able to feel like "this was a clear victory." I'm sure somebody has told you otherwise. Clearly, chalking up a "W" at the end of a disagreement with your spouse is not what your intent is supposed to be. After listening to our marriage … [Read more...]
Are You a Good Communicator? Side-Eyes Won’t Cut It; 6 Things That Will
Sometimes, when my husband does something that gets on my nerves, I give him the side-eye. Is that the best way to communicate how I feel? Probably not, but sometimes it’s juts the first reaction I have. I know I’m not the only one. We are at a point in our relationship where my husband knows what that look means without me having to say much, but even with that, the look … [Read more...]
3 Easy & Effective Tips to Reduce Conflict in Your Marriage
Last year, my husband and I went on a marriage cruise (kid-free). Not only was it the first time we'd ever been on a cruise but it was the first time we were away from home for so long to focus solely on our marriage. And, as the new BMWK Marriage Cruise is underway, I wanted to reflect on one of the most powerful sessions we experienced during the cruise. One of the biggest … [Read more...]
My Mate Isn’t Talking To Me Again! 5 Reasons The Silent Treatment Isn’t The Way To Go!
"If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!" I know that's what your parents taught you; but for many, saying nothing at all is taken wayyyy to far! PSA: Giving your mate the silent treatment when you are upset still doesn't solve the problem! You know the feeling, the one where two people are mad at each other and you can cut the tension between … [Read more...]
What Can I Do to Make My Marriage Work When I Want to Leave?
Dr. Buckingham, I have been married to my husband for 2 years and we have been together 6 years. In 2013 we decided to move to Louisiana from Chicago because he said it was a better living in Louisiana and he also would be a better father and husband. So we moved with my two kids by different marriages and a daughter I have with him. We moved in with his father, who told us to … [Read more...]
3 Difficult Marriage Conversations You Can’t Ignore, and 6 Ways to Initiate Them
Let's face it. There's no way to avoid having a difficult marriage conversation at any given time throughout your marriage. And while things like finances, communication, and spirituality, are high on the list of hot topics to discuss regularly in your marriage, there are some topics that most don't even want to think about or confront. But a real marriage requires real … [Read more...]
How to Make Up After a Blow Up with Your Spouse
Disharmony is never pleasurable. I don’t know anyone who looks forward to disagreeing with their spouse. It’s never easy when we are unable to see eye to eye. I hate it when my husband and I are at odds. It just feels weird and throws things off balance. However, the reality is that our most recent argument probably won’t be our last. Something else will happen, a word will be … [Read more...]
The Most Damaging Words & Phrases Ever Said in a Marriage
Once we say "I do", certain actions immediately become unacceptable in most relationships. Each couple should be aware of exactly what that is; we know what works as well as what hurts our relationships. During a recent airing of the Doug Banks radio show, the adult conversation of the day was "is it ever okay to tell your spouse/mate/significant other to shut up?" ...we … [Read more...]
3 Things that Will Help You and Your Spouse Fight Fair
One of the biggest problems Tanya and I had when we first got married was learning how to fight fair. Our first two years of marriage was very reminiscent of Jody and Yvette in "Baby Boy" and I told Tee that we weren't bringing any kids into this world until we learned how to argue the "right way." Over the years, we've found numerous tips that have helped us to stay on point … [Read more...]
3 Arguments You Should No Longer Have with Your Spouse
When two people argue, it's usually for a variety of reasons. It's either about someone trying to prove a point and convince the other to view a situation from their point of view. Or it might happen as a result of someone's bruised feelings and a need for a quick resolution. Disagreements can be quite challenging and occasionally blur our vision on what's actually right or … [Read more...]
Unspoken Expectations: How You May Be Setting Your Spouse Up for Failure
Prior to getting married, I had several expectations of my eventual wife. I had set a schedule of day-to-day chores, how arguments were to go, what my wife was to do for our home, our family, and me and how we were to behave in bed (don’t lie, you did this too). Unfortunately, I did not share any of these expectations with my wife before or after marriage. They were … [Read more...]
5 Things that Make It Impossible to Stay Mad at Your Spouse
I'm always amazed at how much I learn about marriage in just every day living. In this article about learning how to grow up in your marriage, I talk about the need to learn how to let go of, or do certain things. One of the things I had to start getting better with was the art of compromising. Even after eight years of marriage, I have to constantly ask myself if I'm being … [Read more...]