2. Set clear goals & action steps. Make sure that you’re clear on your desired final outcome. What is the purpose of the conversation and what are you hoping to gain from it? Answering this question ahead of time will help you to approach the topic with heart and not attitude.
3. Show appreciation & encouragement. Regardless of how difficult the topic is, you should always go into the conversation making sure you encourage your spouse and express your appreciation and love for them. Loving affirmation is a great way to relieve a little tension and make sure you are always playing on the same team.
4. Be mindful of timing. Trying to squeeze in a difficult conversation in between soccer practice or making dinner is probably not the best option. Instead, let your spouse know you have to speak to them about something and want to make sure you are both free to chat without distractions. The last thing you want is to have to end it in the middle of a heated discussion and before you’re able to resolve anything.
5. Listen attentively and repeat back what you understand. I’ve heard of this technique many times, most recently shared during the BMWK Marriage Cruise. Many times we listen with the intent to battle back or to defend whatever it is we think needs defending. But if you’re forced to repeat back what your spouse is saying and what you understand, that leaves very little room for misunderstandings. It forces you to really listen to what they are saying.
6. Put your ego away. When it comes to communicating with your spouse effectively, there is no room for ego. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I’m not always right (as shocking as it was). But I learned that it’s not always about me (and contrary to what you may believe, it’s not always about you either). The more I let go of my ego, the easier it is to have these difficult conversations.
BMWK: What other difficult conversations or tips for starting one would you add to the list?
konadu says
I need to chat on careers.
Diane says
Awesome piece! It is also great to regularly tackle those difficult convos, so that you both can get into the habit of talking about them without beating around the bush and thus making the situation more difficult.
Christine St. Vil says
Exatly Diane! The more you talk about it, the easier it becomes 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Camesha says
The living will is a conversation we’ve yet to fully have. We have talked about it in passing but really need to sit down and get some things settled.
Christine St. Vil says
Yes, it’s so important Camesha. It wasn’t something we had fully tackled until recently.
Tripp says
Marriage is a vast issue as it does not last for so long. People are getting married but soon they get separated and divorced.
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