Let’s face it. There’s no way to avoid having a difficult marriage conversation at any given time throughout your marriage. And while things like finances, communication, and spirituality, are high on the list of hot topics to discuss regularly in your marriage, there are some topics that most don’t even want to think about or confront. But a real marriage requires real communication.
You can’t work through your differences or be clear about each others’ needs and wants through e-mails, text messages or Facebook messenger. No, difficult marriage conversations require you to speak to each other directly. Recently, hubby and I had a rare moment where we were watching TV, and three conversations came out of watching one show. Here are 3 difficult marriage conversations you can’t ignore.
1. Advance directives & living wills- God forbid something happens to you or your spouse that leaves either dependent on life support and feeding from tubes for the rest of their life, or in need of extensive medical treatment. Do you know what decision your spouse would want you to make in that difficult moment? No one ever wants to think of the worst. But, being clear about what each of you wants would make a difficult process a little more manageable with clear direction and wishes.
2. Sexual likes and dislikes- Just as we grow in the person we become over time and throughout marriage, it’s likely that what we liked five years ago, we may not be too interested in now. But guess what? We’ll never know if we’re not having the conversation and asking the question. Make time to check in regularly when it comes to your sexual interests. But make sure you’re realistic and sensitive to your spouse’s wants, needs and perspective.
3. Marriage goals- This may sound a little crazy, at first, but when was the last time you sat down with your spouse to go over your life goals together? What do you see in your future? Where do you want your family to be in the next 1, 3, 5 or 10 years from now? Have you broken down your goals into categories that you can work on together (i.e. finances, health, parenting, leisure, career or business)? Talking about your marriage dreams and goals and how you can work on them together will go a long way.
How to initiate a difficult conversation:
1. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings. Understand that you may not agree or fully comprehend what your spouse is feeling. But that shouldn’t stop you from attempting to view the situation from their standpoint.