One of the biggest problems Tanya and I had when we first got married was learning how to fight fair. Our first two years of marriage was very reminiscent of Jody and Yvette in “Baby Boy” and I told Tee that we weren’t bringing any kids into this world until we learned how to argue the “right way.” Over the years, we’ve found numerous tips that have helped us to stay on point with fighting fair so it’s only right that we pass on that info. So here’s 3 things that will mos def help you start fighting fair with your spouse.
1. Stop Cutting Each Other Off
One of the biggest problems the used to ALWAYS arise when Tee and I would argue is we’d stay cutting each other off. And no one could ever get their point across, which helped piss each other off that much more. So what’s the solution? Have each person get a pen and paper and decide who’s going to talk first. Whoever gets to talk first has the floor without ANY interruptions! And if the other person has anything to say, they can write down their thoughts and share them when it’s their time to talk. This is one way that can help stop everyone from talking over each other.
2. Stay on Topic
Have you ever been in an argument that goes a little something like this? “I’m tired of you never taking out the trash!” “Well, I’m tired of you never cooking enough!” Yup…that’s how TOO many arguments go down. My challenge to you is to stay on topic. If the wife brings up that the husband never takes out the trash, ya’ll need to stay on that topic. I believe that whoever brought the beef up has first dibs on discussing what THEIR beef is first. If the husband has a beef with how often his wife cooks, he can bring that up AFTER they FINISH talking about what her problem was. We’ll never get anything solved if as soon as your spouse tells you he/she has a problem with you, you get on the defense and bring up all the problems you have with them.
3. Don’t Get to Bed Mad at Each Other
Ephesians 4:26 says “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Now, some of ya’ll might be saying “what does this have to do with fighting fair?” Well, to me fighting fair doesn’t just pertain to when the argument is happening. It also pertains to how you handle how the argument went down. And TOO many times going to bed mad at each other is a norm with the bulk of marriages nowadays.
When Tee and I first got married, we took this verse SO literal that we stayed up ALL night til like 5 am going back and forth trying to solve the problem. Thank God for maturity in his word! Nowadays we realize that this verse isn’t saying that we have to solve our problems in the same night, it just means to not go to bed mad at each other. Now, I’m sure somebody is saying “well, I’m still mad at him/her so what am I supposed to do?” And my advice is you can be mad, but that doesn’t mean you go to bed not speaking or waking up to each other not speaking. YOU have to check your anger to be able to still speak to your spouse. Nowadays, no matter how heated or how mad Tee and I are at each other, we still are able to say “good night”, “have a good day at work” and send a text or leave a voice mail to check in.
BMWK – please provide us with ways that you and your spouse have learned how to fight fair.