When two people argue, it’s usually for a variety of reasons. It’s either about someone trying to prove a point and convince the other to view a situation from their point of view. Or it might happen as a result of someone’s bruised feelings and a need for a quick resolution. Disagreements can be quite challenging and occasionally blur our vision on what’s actually right or wrong. What most people don’t realize is several of the arguments in a marriage can be avoided. Why argue about things that should have been clearly established in the beginning of the relationship.
During a quarrel both people involved usually feel they are justified In their thinking and actions. Believe me, I understand how hard it is to admit you are wrong, even when you are. In a heated situation it’s very difficult to hear the voice of reason and take corrective action. We find it easier to debate and nitpick the issue in order to prove we’re right and our partner is wrong.
I’m finding in some situations, it really is black and white. If a couple makes certain commitments to one another and one of the partners veers off course, they are wrong and shouldn’t make any excuses or have a need to argue the point further. Life and relationships are much easier when individuals take full responsibility for their actions. Once clear goals are set in a marriage, there are arguments we should no longer have.
If a couple is on the same page, arguing about finances is the first on this list. Finances should be discussed and agreed upon early in marriage. There should be a clear understanding of the financial goals and a budget must be established. The moment the finances change, as in an unexpected job loss or illness, the couple needs to restrategize, sacrifice, and create a new course of action benefiting the whole family. Either party who strays away from the set financial plans is automatically at fault and should immediately take responsibility for not following through.
Future plans of pursuing life goals like going back to school or starting a business are next on the list. Our individual goals should be a priority to our partner. If it isn’t feasible now, the couple needs to create a long term plan of action for exactly when it will work. Your partner should be able to live a life that includes things they are passionate about. We can offer guidance and words of wisdom, but we have no right to purposely derail their dreams.
Our spiritual practice is last on the list. My husband and I are both Christians. We made a choice together that this is how we would raise our family. In our Christian walk the instructions are clear. In order for us to live our best Christian life, we decided attending weekly church service, being tithers and incorporating prayer are all part of that plan. In fairness to us both, there shouldn’t be an argument about whether or not we attend service. If ever one of our views begins to change, an immediate conversation should follow.
I understand people change. What once was important may not be any longer. In a partnership, those changes affect others in a tremendous way. We owe it to the people we love to be honest and communicate exactly where we are in any given moment, especially when it has changed. Marriage is at its best when there is complete honesty, sacrifice and a solid commitment to our vows and goals as a couple. For the most part, both partners need a clear guideline of the dos and don’ts of their marriage and must do whatever is needed to adhere to them. Doing this will definitely begin to eliminate those unnecessary arguments.
BMWK, What Arguments Do You Feel You Should No Longer Have With Your Spouse?