Quite a few of the conversations and comments that surface as a result of the articles posted here on BMWK typically focus on something a spouse is or isn't doing. This, of course, always leaves one spouse feeling frustrated and challenged on how to not only discuss it but also repair it. A number of couples struggle with knowing how to properly discuss the trials that arise in … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Win Every Disagreement in Your Marriage
When you have a disagreement in your marriage, you should have one goal and one goal only, to win! Yes, after the dust settles you should be able to feel like "this was a clear victory." I'm sure somebody has told you otherwise. Clearly, chalking up a "W" at the end of a disagreement with your spouse is not what your intent is supposed to be. After listening to our marriage … [Read more...]
Better Communication: How to Keep from Cussing Your Spouse Out When They “Take You There”
Recently, I sat in a Starbucks and couldn't help but overhear a couple’s very loud argument. Of course every couple disagrees. However, there was something a little extra with this one. All I could hear was the woman cussing the guy out. She yelled, called him an idiot, told him to shut the ___ up and eventually told him to just get the __ out. I was stunned by what I heard … [Read more...]
What Can I Do to Make My Marriage Work When I Want to Leave?
Dr. Buckingham, I have been married to my husband for 2 years and we have been together 6 years. In 2013 we decided to move to Louisiana from Chicago because he said it was a better living in Louisiana and he also would be a better father and husband. So we moved with my two kids by different marriages and a daughter I have with him. We moved in with his father, who told us to … [Read more...]
3 Arguments You Should No Longer Have with Your Spouse
When two people argue, it's usually for a variety of reasons. It's either about someone trying to prove a point and convince the other to view a situation from their point of view. Or it might happen as a result of someone's bruised feelings and a need for a quick resolution. Disagreements can be quite challenging and occasionally blur our vision on what's actually right or … [Read more...]
5 Things that Make It Impossible to Stay Mad at Your Spouse
I'm always amazed at how much I learn about marriage in just every day living. In this article about learning how to grow up in your marriage, I talk about the need to learn how to let go of, or do certain things. One of the things I had to start getting better with was the art of compromising. Even after eight years of marriage, I have to constantly ask myself if I'm being … [Read more...]
Are Your Children A Factor When You Disagree With Your Spouse?
Have you ever been so upset with your spouse you completely snapped without regard to who else was around? We’ve all been there. No one can get under our skin more than the ones we love most. It’s easy to get caught up in a heated moment. Unfortunately during a disagreement with tempers flaring, yelling and being hurtful sometimes come quite naturally. It never feels good … [Read more...]
Revenge: Stop Trying to Pay Your Spouse Back
If you've read enough of my articles then you should know by now that I’m a BIG dog lover. I wanted to buy a blue pitbull named Danger and ended up with a Yorkie named Boots, but I love my dude nonetheless. So every now and then, I try learning more about dogs and why they do what they do. The other day I was wondering why dogs like to be pet and I came across this article. … [Read more...]
7 Realistic Ways to Manage Conflict before Things Get too Heated
Have you ever just wanted to react to your partner without thinking about it first and with no regard to what the results might be; even if you knew better? You’re not alone. When someone pisses us off, it’s normal for our instincts to kick in and cause us to become defensive and argumentative. But having effective conflict management tools under our belts equips us for the … [Read more...]
Want to Communicate Better with Your Spouse? Learn How to Drive!
When you’re driving a vehicle, your objective is to get from one place to another. With communication (especially in a marriage), that goal is no different. Healthy communication is your destination and words are your mode of transportation to get there. I don't know about you, but learning how to drive wasn't a breeze for me! It took time and practice, but eventually I … [Read more...]
Your Side, Your Spouse’s Side and The Truth
There are always three sides to every story and/or situation. This is especially true for relationships. In times of challenge, most individuals are only able to see and focus on their own concerns. It’s difficult to see things from a different perspective when we’re caught up in our emotions. Our perception of the trial we’re experiencing is somewhat distorted and clouded … [Read more...]
Five Phrases You’re Using That Are Hurting Your Marriage
Of course every marriage is different, but there are a few phrases that you are probably using on a regular basis that are doing nothing positive for your marriage and can often be surefire ways to start a fight. You never/You always The problem with using absolutes is that they are almost never true. (See how I tried to be clever and use an absolute to make my point? My … [Read more...]
Have You Ever Made A Decision Your Spouse Disagreed With?
A recent conversation with a married friend of mine quickly resulted in my wanting to get feedback from my BMWK family on this particular topic. This friend made a personal choice that her spouse disagreed with. While her husband was not pleased she felt confident that he would come around, and honestly our spouses usually do. Normally, much thought and careful consideration go … [Read more...]
Why You Should Treat Your Spouse Like a Stranger
Have you ever noticed how nice you are to your friends, acquaintances and even total strangers? You smile. You say "Hello". You extend such courtesies as holding doors open for them. And in some instances, you even ask: "How are you?" and even make small talk. They can do something we don't like and most often it's like water on a duck's back. It rolls right off! I … [Read more...]